I
need to understand why. Crossdressing FAQ's
for Wives
by Laura Amato
Q) OK so why does he crossdress? Aren't I enough woman for him?
A) First of all this is not your fault. In fact it really has nothing to do
with you, though it will affect you. This has been with him for a lot longer
than he's been with you.
Q) So when did he start dressing
up?
A) He probably
started dressing as a child or in his teens. In a very few cases it can start
later.
Q) Why did he start?
A) Probably out of a sense of childlike curiosity. With some, their sisters or
a baby sitter may have dressed them up as girls either for fun or punishment.
With some it is purely a fantasy. Dressing can relieve the stress involved in
living up to the perceived male role model as a tough, problem solver. The
slightest deviation from
this role may lead to a feeling of temporary inadequacy. Pretending to be a
girl gives a release from male peer pressures. When the dressing is completed
the CD feels much calmer and more able to face his role.
Q) Is there sex involved?
A) Yes In the beginning especially as a teenager experimenting with self
gratification. Probably less as a crossdresser grows older to being nonexistent
by middle age.
Q) We're very close. Why didn't he tell me before we were married?
A) Crossdressing often times slows down as one grows into their twenties.
Diminishing to partial dressing or stopping completely in what is called
Purging. New loves and relationships make dressing quickly fade into the
background and stop completely making the CD even think they are cured. This is
most likely when you met.
Q) Why did his dressing come back?
A) In the mid twenties and later socioeconomic pressures start to surface.
Children, a mortgage, 2 cars, and education worries can contribute. Probably
the biggest factor though is his job. Career matters at work intensify as peers
are promoted even including him. Pressures of family life and loosing the
newness of a relationship all
contribute. Don't forget that socially at least most men feels the buck stops
with them and they often take complete responsibility for many problems.
As the stress builds up he remembers that crossdressing always
relieved pressure in the past. Why not now? He dresses and it works, the stress
is relieved and so is he.
Q) Is he Gay?
A) No, not usually. They are men at all other times when they are not dressed.
Q) Does he take hormones and want to change his sex?
A) In almost all cases no. In very few instances do men advance unless they are
latent Transsexuals. That warrants an entire different set of FAQ's.
Q) Can I make him stop?
A) This is probably the worst thing you can do. Forcing him to stop and purge
his feminine side could have disastrous consequences. Most likely he would
binge later on with the crossdressing urge even stronger. Besides his pressure
will still be there.
Q) So what can I do?
A) Plenty. Compromise is the key from BOTH parties. After all you are hurt and
probably shocked. This is a lot to absorb. Realize that neither of you is to
blame.
He is terrified right now of loosing you or that you'll tell someone.
Reassure him of your love. You are going to need to give him some time
to allow him to spend time at his hobby behind closed doors. Remember, it is a
stress reliever for him. If you don't want him
to touch your clothing tell him so. He needs to respect that but you will need
to help him get his own things. Catalogs work for most if you don't want to
shop with him.
He may want to join a crossdressers club where he can dress
freely. You should find a support group where you can talk to other wives with
your same problem. If you've found a bitter group you are in the wrong place.
You need understanding, not militancy.
Q) What do I gain if I let him crossdress?
A) You actually both have much to gain. After so many years in the closet he is
finally free to be himself. Benefits are less stress, better health, New found
creativity, thoughtfullness and appreciation.
Q) What about my rights?
A) Fortunately there are guidlines for both Wives and
Crossdressers. It is called the Bill of Rights for
Wives and Crossdressers. Remember these are guidlines. They can be
added to or subtracted from. Everything is negotiable.
Q) Ok I've let him be himself now all he wants to do is
Crossdress.
A) Many crossdressers are compulsive by nature. Finally free to be
himslef new crossdressers often become like kids in a candy store. You may have
to nudge him back to reality. Simply state that you miss the man you love. Tell
him you'd like to see that man a little more often. If he has trouble have him
see a psychiatrist about anti-compulsion prescription drugs.
Q) What are our chances?
A) Very Good actually. It is rare for a marriage to end because of
crossdressing. This of course not the case if your husband is really
Transsexual
Good Luck.
Laura
Start
with a light dusting of translucent face powder on the eyes. 