First Time Cross-dressing or I did not know I had a disorder

Here is another story that has been rewritten.  I was not able to find a editor for this story but used a few grammar software to help find my grammar mistakes.  If you find any, you can send a note to cindyusa58@yahoo.com

You may find some grammatical errors in this stories. Those errors can be switching of tense, spelling errors, or typographical errors. Should you find an error please send me an e-mail so I can correct and make the story enjoyable for others.

WARNING!

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CindyUSA

First Time Cross-dressing or I did not know I had a disorder

Cindyusa58@yahoo.com

I am not sure if I should be embarrassed, ashamed, depressed about my condition. For years, I knew I had this condition but did not think it was anything to be a worry. No one could tell if I had a sick. To my wife, family and co-workers I seemed normal. In the beginning the symptoms of my illness was not apparent. As my condition progressed I kept it a secret. For years, I worried that my illness would be discovered. I did not think my condition was serious, but I wanted to keep it a secret.

My secret was I like to dress in woman clothing. I did this for years without any consideration that there was something wrong with my actions. Last year just for grin and giggles I Goggled, Cross-dressing disorder. Psychology Today said cross-dressing escapades was an illness atypical for bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder leads to extreme behavior and extreme sexual behavior is a symptom. Hypersexuality it is called and it "may include decreased inhibitions or a need for forbidden sex" as stated in About.com. It doesn't matter is if it is cross-dressing, sadomasochism, prostitution, compulsive sex, pedophilia or rape. On the internet I could find only three or four articles that dealt with the subject. 

The encyclopedia of mental disorders stated another term for tranvestic fetishism is cross-dressing. In the mental health professional’s handbook, the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder, fourth edition, (DSM-IV-TR) groups tranvestic fetishism as a paraphilias.

Paraphilias are a group of mental disorders characterized by obsessional with unusual sexual practices or with sexual activity involving nonconsenting or inappropriate partners.

Yet another article said,

One of the hardest concepts for many people to comprehend is that "sex" and "gender" are distinct and separate. For the majority of humanity individual gender identity and behavior is synchronous with apparent physical sex. A more simplistic way to put it is that "sex is between the legs; gender is between the ears." For the individual with Gender Identity Disorder physical sex and psychological sex (i.e., "gender") are in some degree of conflict. Because this often leads to peripheral psychological disturbances and a general unhappiness with one's life, this condition is sometimes alternatively referred to as "Gender Dysphoria." Dysphoria being the polar opposite of "euphoria."

Despite the inclusion of gender disorders in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Illness (DSM-IV) and its counterpart International Classification of Diseases (ICD-10), these problems are rather confusingly NOT considered "mental illnesses" by the medical community. It should also be noted that the publisher of the DSM has not explained why gender disorders fail to meet their own definition of "social non-conformity."

My secret was I liked sucking cock and eating pussy. That makes me a bisexual. Bisexuality has not been considered a mental disorder or dysfunction. My disorder or dysfunction was related to a little fetish that I developed. My fetish was dressing in woman clothes in order to met men for sex. Yes, I was a cock-sucking, sissy, slut, fag cross-dresser.

I wanted to find out more about my condition and went to a local University in California that has a Bipolar Disorders Clinic. The clinic was part of the Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences School of Medicine. The clinic offered treatment, manage clinical trials and neuroimaging studies, lecture and taught seminar courses.

Bipolar disorder leads to extreme behavior and extreme sexual behavior was said to be a symptom. My dressing was called hyper sexuality, "may include decreased inhibitions or a need for forbidden sex." Cross-dressing was included with sadomasochism, prostitution, compulsive sex, and pedophilia.

Transvestite dresses for two different reasons. First reason was to seek to intensify sexual excitement during intercourse. The second reason someone cross-dresses was associated with a gender identity problem. I dressed for the first reason. I had to admit I achieved sexual excitement by cross-dressing made me me a transvestite.

In many surveys and research has determined Transvestites were not necessarily homosexual. The surveys reported many transvestites were straight men who enjoyed only meeting females. One surveys estimated that 80% of are heterosexual having no desire meeting a bisexual or gay man. This leaves only 20% of Transvestites who are bisexual or gay and enjoying meeting other for adult role-playing. I considered myself in the 20% of Transvestites.

My fetish started when I was an adult in my 50s. I was a bisexual when for the first time I dressed to meet a stranger for sex. Craig's       list was an excellent place to post a personal advertisement no strings attached meeting. I posted to the personal section for erotic encounter, male4male, in Orlando, Florida. My post was short and to the point,

53 married white male seeks male to give head, nothing in return.

A few days later I received an email from a stranger from San Diego.

His email stated, "Hi my name is Ray 35 straight white married, and will visit Orlando in a few weeks. I saw your post on Craigslist and wanted to to meet you. I am a straight man and looking to receive oral and not giving oral. I just need my cock sucked. Hope that you would OK for you."

Craigslist Casual Encounters section (where people go on to meet with strangers and have anonymous sex) was a good place for meeting strangers from the Internet. I took the time to exchange emails with the stranger to make sure he was serious about meeting. Exchanging a few emails allowed me to ask and receive answers making sure we had the same interests, me dressing and him an admirer. 

I responded, "Ray's thanks for your email and interest. I am interested in meeting you. I am fifty-three years old, 5'-10" and 210 pounds, about twenty-five pounds heavy but not fat. I am clean-shaven, short gray hair, glasses. I would like to make sure you are OK with my age and my height to weight, Roger.” I have talked with many men on-line; some had issues with age or with being overweight. Some men are seeking a 'Ten' to let them suck their cock. I like to think I am a 'Three' to 'Five', on a 'Ten' scale. I might not stand out with admirable looks but many men said I gave excellent oral service.

I like meeting men and being their fantasy. Many straight, married men like to receive oral intercourse. With their eyes shut, they do not mind if it is a male or female giving them head. I am also a man and think I know what men like, a blowjob and then cumming in a warm, wet mouth, swallows the other person your load. I offer a man a service, free. I will suck their cocks, and they climax in my mouth then tell me to swallow.

Rays next email back said, "Roger, I do not care about your age or your weight; I need someone to suck my cock. My motel room will be available on Friday evening. Do you know any transvestite? My fantasy is to meet a chick with a dick." Asking if I knew a Tranny was a strange question. It sounded like that Ray wanted a threesome.

My next email to Ray, "Ray I do not know any she-males, but I can check around and will let you know. If I found a chick with a dick, I would like to suck her off or maybe bend over and get fucked by one.”

Ray responded, "Roger I did not know you were a bottom. What would be really hot is to fuck the She-male while she blows you, then watch her fuck you as you blow me."

Ray and I were exchanging several emails daily. After exchanging phone numbers, my phone rings at work. Ray was calling me. First question after hello, Ray said, "Do you swallow or spit?” That was a direct question from Ray, but I understood why he was asking.

I responded boastfully, "I like letting a man shoot off in my mouth and having him tell me to swallow his load." By the sound of his voice, he seemed pleased with my answer.

Ray continued, "Good; I am a straight man, and not interested in sucking any cock. I like the sound of your posting you are what I need." Ray continued his questions; he asked, "Did you find a chick with a dick yet?" I received his email last late last night and had not started looking for a Tranny.

I responded, "No, not yet; I will check Craigslist today. You know that most, she-males charge money. I am willing to split the cost with you."

Ray scoffed, "No, not fine. You need to find a chick with a dick to meet us, and one who does not charge. I fancy seeing the Tranny sucking your cock; I take her from the rear. Then I would like to see her cock fucking your man-cunt." Ray was graphic about what he wanted. From our conservation, it appeared the sight of a man in woman clothes turned on Ray.

Remembering a few years back, I met a man and a Tranny for some wild, passionate sex. If Ray wanted a threesome, I was going to make that happen. After Ray's phone call, I started my search on Craigslist for a chick with a dick. I found several in the local area, sending them all an email. The next day, I received an email from Crystal, a thirty-five-year-old transvestite with silicone breasts. Crystal lived about thirty miles from the town I lived. Crystal provided her phone number to call confirming our meeting arrangements. When I called her, it rang six times, and I wondered if I had the correct phone number. Finally, when someone answered the phone, I said, "Crystal, Roger."

Crystal answered in a low, soft whisper, "Oh, hi sweetie; so good of you to call. What can I do for you?"

Not wanting to catch her at a bad time, so I asked, "Crystal, is this a good time to talk?"

Crystal replied, "Sure Roger; I just got out of bed and fixed my first cup of coffee."

The conversation was going as planned I continued, "So, are you OK meeting Ray and me on Friday night?"

Crystal stretching her words said, "Oh yes sweetie; both of my holes love to be filled."

I was excited about having a threesome with Ray and Crystal. I had one question I needed to ask but was not sure how to put in in words, I blurted, "Crystal, do you charge when you meet someone?"

Crystal replied, "Oh no sweetie; I am always free."

I was glad Crystal was not a professional. She was what Ray was seeking. I replied, "Great Crystal, Ray and I are not looking for a professional, just someone who likes to meet men and indulge in some fun."

Crystal responded, "I love having fun, and with the two of you, there are more possibilities. I am versatile. You two meet me at my place." Crystal said with a playful sound in her voice. Crystal continues, "Now Ray is the straight guy who wants to fuck me, and you are a bottom that likes to give head?"

I responded, "Yes that sums it up, and I also like to give head."

The meeting was scheduled for seven PM at Crystal's house on Friday night. I sent Ray a text message giving him Crystal's facts. She was thirty-five TV, 40D, seven inches cut, versatile.' Crystal provided a photograph that showed that she has large silicone boobs and a male member, a chick with something extra. Ray was all excited about meeting Crystal. The plan to meet as threesome was set.

On the Thursday evening, Ray called saying, "Roger, bad news; my meeting has been postponed. I am now arriving on Monday."

I said, "No problem Ray, I will reschedule."

I called Crystal to update her on the change of Ray's arrival date. She apologized, but she was going to be out of town on Monday and could not change her plans. I called Ray back, and I told him, "Ray; Crystal will be out of town on Monday night. She cannot change her plans. It looks likes is going to be you and me."

Ray, in an upset and loud voice, said, "Roger, you will come up with another, she-male."

Taken aback from his outburst and demand, I said, "I have tried I cannot find one available. I did find one, but she wants two hundred dollars an hour.

I moved to the mirror on the wall saying, "No shit," but I could not see the red brassiere.

Ray laughed saying, "Do not worry Roger; I was just kidding. However, you are a real turn on with your sissy things. You are a good cock sucker not you are a good cocksucking bitch." The humiliating words stung. Ray continued, "Feeling your nylon clad legs rubbing my cock, and the lap-dance, wow. I just needed that sweet ass of yours. I hope you did not mind, slut." I looked at a Ray; he had a silly smile on his face. I responded, "Yes that was kind of hot. That was my first time to give a lap dancing. You felt good inside me, but you did not use a condom." Ray admitted, "Yes, I bought one and intended to use it, but you were so hot in the pantie hose; I just could not wait to fuck your ass. I hope you do not mind I am clean."

I scolded, "You should have used a condom if you were going to shoot in me. However, I am clean too." As I said this, I could feel his man juice ooze out, and entered the bathroom to clean up again.

I received a text message from Ray, "I want to meet you tonight."

I sent a text message back, "Sure, what do you fancy me to wear this time?"