Index
1.
FAQ's
About Cross-dressing
2.
Questions
About Men Cross-Dressing
3.
What
Is Cross-Dressing?
4.
Is
Cross-Dressing New?
5.
Why
Do People Cross-Dress
6.
Why
Do People Cross-Dress
7.
Why
Do Men Cross-Dress?
8.
When
Do Men Usually Start Dressing Up?
9.
What
Does A Man Get From Cross-Dressing?
10.
How
Many Men Does It Affect?
11.
Is
Cross-Dressing Illegal Or Immoral?
12.
Ok
Then, Do Men Who Cross-Dress Actually Want To Be Women?
13.
So
What Kind Of A Guy Would Wear A Dress?
14.
Why
Do They Do It? Why Do Men Wear Women’s
Clothes?
15.
Who
Are Cross-Dressers?
16.
What
Types Of People Cross-Dress?
17.
What
Types Of People Cross-Dress?
18.
How
Often Do Cross-Dressers Need To Dress Up?
19.
What
Causes Men To Cross-Dress?
20.
What
Cross-Dressers Are Not
21.
Do
Cross-Dressers Take Female Hormones And Want To Change
Their Sex?
22.
When
Do Men Usually Start Dressing Up?
23.
Why
Do They Start Dressing Up At A Young Age?
24.
Why
Did His Dressing Come Back After A Long Time?
25.
Are
There Different Types Of Cross-Dressers?
26.
Understanding
The "Woman Within"
27.
Vernon
Colman Comments
28.
Some
Theories On Why Men Cross-Dress
29.
Questions
About Sexualality
30.
Does
Cross-Dressing Influence Sexuality?
31.
Isn't
Cross-Dressing Just A Sexual Perversion?
32.
Is
Cross-Dressing A Sexual Phenomenon?
33.
Are
All Cross-Dressing Men Gay?
34.
Are
Cross-Dressers Considered To Be Gay?
35.
Isn't
Cross Dressing Just A Step To Sexual Reassignment?
36.
What
Restroom Do You Use?
37.
Questions
About Family
38.
What
About Children?
39.
What
About Wives?
40.
The
Crossdresser And His Wife
41.
The
Crossdresser And His Children
42.
I
Just Found Out My Friend/Boyfriend/Husband Is A Cross- Dresser...
What Now?
43.
Can
I Make My Husband/Boyfriend Stop This Behavior?
44.
How
Do I Tell My Partner That I Am A Cross-Dresser?
45.
Is
My Husband/Boyfriend A Deviant?
46.
Is
My Husband/Boyfriend Gay?
47.
Is
Cross-Dressing Usually Enough Grounds For A Couple Divorcing?
48.
My
Husband Is A Cross-Dresser. Should I Be Worried That He Might Want To
‘Go All The Way’ And Become A Woman One Day?
49.
Do
Wives Accept This Behavior?
50.
What
Is The Difference Between Transvestism And Transsexualism?
51.
What
Can You Do If Your Partner Is A Cd?
52.
What
Do You Gain If You Let Him Cross-Dress?
53.
You’ve
Let Him Be Himself But Now All He Wants To Do Is Cross-Dress.
Now What Do You Do?
54.
I
Feel So Alone, Like There’s Nobody To Talk To About This. Where
Can I Get Help?
55.
Are
Most Cross-Dressers Married?
56.
What
About Their Wives?
57.
What
About Children?
58.
Question
About Illness Or Cure
59.
Is
Wearing Women’s Clothes Considered An Illness?
60.
So,
Cross-Dressing May Be Biologically Bound--Does This Mean
I Cannot Stop?
61.
Is
Cross-Dressing/Transvestism A Disorder?
62.
Is
There A Cure?
63.
Can
One Make A Crossdresser Stop?
64.
Can
Crossdressing Be "Cured"?
65.
Questions
About Transsexual And Transgender Cross-Dresser
66.
What
Causes Transvestism?
67.
What
Is The Difference Between Transvestites And Transsexuals?
68.
What
Cross-Dressers (Transvestites) Are Not
69.
What
Is It Like Being A Cross-Dresser?
70.
Isn't
Cross-Dressing Just A Step To Sexual Reassignment?
71.
Is
There Sex Involved In Cross-Dressing?
72.
Questions
About Results Of Cross-Dressing
73.
Cross-Dressing
Urges/Problems?
74.
How
Do I Deal With Cross-Dressing Urges?
75.
What
Is Purging?
76.
Is
Cross-Dressing Illegal Or Immoral?
77.
Help,
I Think I Am A Cross-Dressing Now What?
78.
What
Can You Do If You Know A Cross-Dressing?
79.
How
Should I Dress In Public? What Type Of Clothing Should I Wear?
80.
Which
Toilet Should I Use When I Am Dressed?
81.
What
Do I Do If I Am Out And About And Get Pulled Over By The Police?
82.
If
I Am Going To A Club And Am Dressed As A Woman, What
Do I Do When Handing Over My Id, Which Will Not Match With How I Am Presenting?
83.
What
Can I Do If I Am Confronted By Someone?
84.
What
Are The Policies On Attending A Church Dressed, Whether
For A Mass Or To Attend A Wedding, Funeral Or Other
Service?
85.
What
About On An International Flight And While I Am Overseas?
86.
What
Problems Do Cross-Dressers Face?
87.
What
Is A Cross-Dresser’s Greatest Fear?
88.
I
Just Discovered That My Husband/Boyfriend Is A Cross- Dresser. What Should I Do And How Should I Handle It?
89.
Misconceptions
About Those Who Cross Dress:
90.
Cross Dressers Are Gay
91.
Cross Dressers Don't Like Women
92.
Women
Who Love Cross Dressers Must Be Lesbians
93.
Cross Dress For Sexual Gratification
94.
Cross Dressers Always Wear Women's Clothes
95.
Cross Dressers Have Weird Sexual Habits
96.
Cross Dressers Look Like Rupaul
97.
Cross Dressing Develops In Adulthood
98.
Cross Dressers Are Made, Not Born
99.
Cross Dressers Are Schizophrenic?
100. Cross Dressing Can Be Cured?
101. Watson
Table
102. Group
One: Low Intensity Transvestite
103. Group
Two: Medium Intensity Transvestite
104. Group
Three: Transvestitic Transsexual
105. Group
Four: Moderate Intensity Transsexual
106. Group
Five: High Intensity Transsexual
107. Dr.
Harry Benjamin's Sexual Orientation Scale
108. Type
One: Transvestite (Pseudo)
109. Type
Two: Transvestism (Fetishistic)
110. Type
Three: Transvestism (True)
111. Type
Four: Transsexual (Nonsurgical)
112. Type
Five: True Transsexual (Moderate Intensity)
113. Type
Six: True Transsexual (High Intensity)
114. Repost
– Dr. Kenneth Zucker’s War On Transgenders
115. A
European Medical Journal Special Monograph
FAQ
means "frequently answer questions".
User groups would be asked the same question over and over again. The moderator would post a list of frequently
asked questions on there board and referred the members to red the FAQ.
FAQ
were copied from the following web sites
http://lvtgw.jadephoenix.org/Info_htm/General/cdfaq02.htm Copyright © 2001 by Diane Wilson. All rights reserved.
http://lvtgw.jadephoenix.org/Info_htm/General/cdfaq02.htm
Copyright © 2001 by Diane Wilson. All rights
reserved.
As
the word implies, cross-dressing is wearing clothes (dressing: the act of donning
clothing and wearing it.) The "cross" comes in when a person goes against
the prevailing socially defined stereotype, dons, and wears clothing society says
is exclusively for members of the sex opposite to the sex of the person involved.
Virtually all people cross dress on occasion. Many people cross-dress with regularity.
Both sexes cross-dress. Females cross dress with relative impunity. No one seems
to be particularly upset and many think it is"sexy" or just plain "cute"
for a female to wear "men's" clothing. Conversely, unless the cross-dressing
individual is sufficiently talented to look convincing, a male who cross dresses
is in for social disapproval, which can vary from minor to massive. People cross
dress for a wide variety of reasons.
Throughout
recorded history, and in every human culture, there have always been Cross-dressers.
In many societies, Cross-dressers have been accepted for the reality they represent
and their uniqueness has been utilized by such societies for the common good. It
is a culture's attitude to Cross-dressing that determines whether Cross-dressing
is or is not a "problem" to that culture. See Wikipedia History of cross-dressing
at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/History_of_cross-dressing
Why
do people cross dress?
Even
psychiatrists have a difficult time with this one. They feel that it starts around
puberty, but, some male children will experiment dressing up in say their sister's
clothing and race around the house and turn out to be full-fledged
heterosexual males in years to come. Psychiatrists don't seem to know when it starts
or really why and what I am typing out is basically a guesstimate on why men choose
to dress up as women:
Cross-dressing is another term for transvestism, and this and trans-sexuality and the association of both with homosexuality are often confused, even by some practicing cross-dressers. A typical transvestite would be a man who appears quite normal at all times when he is not cross-dressing. He is not likely to be homosexual, will prefer women as his sex partners and will most certainly not want to lose his penis. In contrast, a typical male transsexual will not identify in any way with his physically normal male body. He believes that he is a woman and is trapped in the body of a man. To him, his penis is a mistake of nature and he will want to get rid of it.
Cross-dressing is another term for transvestism, and this and trans-sexuality and the association of both with homosexuality are often confused, even by some practicing cross-dressers. A typical transvestite would be a man who appears quite normal at all times when he is not cross-dressing. He is not likely to be homosexual, will prefer women as his sex partners and will most certainly not want to lose his penis. In contrast, a typical male transsexual will not identify in any way with his physically normal male body. He believes that he is a woman and is trapped in the body of a man. To him, his penis is a mistake of nature and he will want to get rid of it.
Some
men use cross-dressing for the purpose of sexual excitement. It seems that the majority
of transvestites are no more likely to go on to trans-sexuality than a social drinker
is to alcoholism or an occasional cannabis user to injecting hard drugs. Of course
everyone has to start somewhere and there is some evidence to suggest that the longer
you cross-dress, the further along the continuum may find yourself moving.
After
his initial experiences, the transvestite will progress to one of 3 main groups:
He
will stay with the type of garments he first used and have a fetish-like attachment
to them. His initial preferences will expand and he will slowly move on to other
clothes and finally into the wish to be dressed completely as a woman and to pretend
for periods of time that he is a woman, but he will not want to go beyond pretending
and will wish to retain his male personality. The third group will fringe on trans-sexuality
in that they will live and pass as women for extended periods of time. The only
real difference between these so-called "secondary" transsexuals and the
full transsexual is that, again, like all the less extreme transvestites, they have
no wish to actually be women.
WHY
DO MEN CROSS-DRESS? One argument is that transvestism of cross-dressing is a way
of offering a challenge to society's preconceptions about gender. Some men cross-dress
because they are unhappy at being men. Others didn't mind the male state, but also
like to put on women's clothes occasionally. Some men cross-dress simply to make
a passing social or fashion statement, and some because they have emotional needs
that can only be met by the comfort that wearing women's clothes gives them.
For
many transvestites, cross-dressing is an intensely sexual activity. Most transvestites
have their first cross-dressing experience around puberty or in adolescence. The
first experience is likely to be sexually exciting and the young person will carry
on with the practice. However, transvestism is not just a sexual variation. There
have always been plenty of men who get a sexual thrill from cross-dressing, but
the accepted view of most experts in this field now is that these are not the majority.
Sex, particularly with other people is not the main reason why most men cross-dress
and will masturbate because they, themselves, are the ideal woman, and the man no
longer has to fear rejection, criticism or disappointment which might come with
attempts of intercourse with a woman.
Cross-dressers
usually will do this in secret and enjoy when the wife and kids leave the home.
They have their day planned! They will even go so far as to shave off body hair,
take a hot, perfumed, bubble bath, and dress in something silky. Many males will
masturbate (why not ... they are male, yet feel like they are a female at the same
time.) However, many cross-dressers just enjoy the feel of certain materials against
their bodies and go no further than to dress as a woman. More and more cross-dressers
are "coming out of the closet" and if lucky, their wives will accept the
way they are as long as they keep it private and away from friends and family. Most cross-dressers are private about it and THEY
ARE NOT USUALLY GAY.
http://lvtgw.jadephoenix.org/Info_htm/General/cdfaq02.htm
Copyright © 2001 by Diane Wilson. All rights
reserved.
Many
"reasons" are given for cross-dressing. Some are simplistic. Some are
superficial. Some are simply wrong. In general, the most valid reasons seen have
to do with the expression of a personal preference on the part of the cross dresser.
Some cross dress for employment reasons, costumes, etc. Some cross dress as a part
of their sexual activity (either just for fun or for money) and others cross dress
literally to make fun of members of the opposite sex. Those who cross dress and
with whom we are interested in Helping Cross-Dresser Anonymous (CHAD) are almost
all male, and most are married or have been married. Many have families. These cross
dressers dress also for a variety of reasons. The reasons they give vary with the
depth of insight and understanding held by the individual concerned. For the most
part, at the core of the motivation for most heterosexual cross dressers is an outward
expressive manifestation of an inward feeling set. Something innate, natural to
the person concerned seeks to find overt expression in the external behavior of
the individual. This inner feeling set/external manifestation takes the form of
cross-dressing. Such individuals feel a natural preference for feminine clothing
in the same manner the typical female feels the need to express her femininity in
the choices of clothing she makes. At the core, then, is the fundamental element
of the who, what, and how the person is by virtue of their nature and the resulting
attraction to things feminine. This is an innate attraction, a natural reaching
out of the inner person to find visible means of self expression compatible with
how, who, and what the person feels self to be inside. It is not generally a sexual
thing, or all such individuals would be same sex attracted. Since a majority of
cross dressers are not same sex attracted, then it is evident the innate attraction
to external symbols of femininity are not sexual in nature, rather they rise from
the most basic centers of who, what, and how the person really is by virtue of nature.
http://www.crossdressingfreedom.com/crossdressing-opinions/why-do-men-crossdress/
If
you want to know, why men cross-dress then read the answers at http://www.crossdressingfreedom.com/crossdressing-opinions/why-do-men-crossdress/
these answers have been taken from a survey that was completed on over 400 men who
cross-dress. As you read the list, you may be surprised at some of the reasons but
nonetheless it goes to show the complexity of the reasons behind why men choose
to wear clothes of the opposite sex.
Another
survey by Vernon Coleman listed these interesting results. Coleman made a survey
of cross-dressers. The European Medical Journal Special Monograph On Transvestism/Cross-dressing
was based on questionnaires which were completed by 414 British males during July
and August 1995 and on written communications from over 600 other British males
during the same period.
a)
Because I like the feeling of women’s clothes: 321 (77%)
b)
Because it gives me a sexual kick: 244 (59%)
c)
Because it helps me relax and deal with stress: 202 (48%)
d)
Because I want to be like a woman: 262 (63%)."
It
is very naturally to think that men who cross-dress are Gay or do not enjoy being
a man. These assumptions are NOT true for most male cross-dresser.
At
Cross-dressing Freedom website a survey was completed by over 400 men who cross-dress.
They were asked to complete this statement,
"I Like To Cross-Dress Because".
http://www.crossdressingfreedom.com/crossdressing-opinions/why-do-men-crossdress/
The
results of the survey are interesting. It appears for each cross-dresser there is
a different reason why. The results of the survey can be grouped into the following
justifications
They
impersonate woman for entertainment, Drag Queen
A
man with a sexual fetish for feminine clothing.
A
man who like to emulate a woman
Dress
full time as a woman but does not interested in having a operation
A
man who feels he is a woman trapped in a man's body and desires to change by an
operation
In
another survey of over one thousand cross-dresser, the following associations were
reported.
Demographic,
Childhood, and Family Variables: 1992 and 1972 data Sexual and Cross-dressing variables
The
fact that most identify as heterosexual, should not come as a surprise. That as
many as 29 percent some kind of homosexual experiences probably points to a desire
to have sex as a woman.
72
percent report that cross-dressing brings sexual excitement and orgasm occasionally
to nearly always. It is fair to say that these probably are autogynephiliacs.
66
percent began cross-dressing before the age of 10. If most of these cross-dressers
truly are autogynephiliacs, this means that autogynephilia appears before puberty
and is not the result of increased testosterone production in puberty.
A
large majority of them believe that they express a different part of themselves
when cross-dressing, i.e. they believe they have an innate feminine side.
71
percent have cross-dressed in public, although they do not necessarily do this often.
Note that most of the respondents are members of cross-dresser clubs. This may influence
their tendency towards going out dressed as women.
Their
wives are normally aware of their habit. Only a minority of the wives were told
about it before marriage though, even if the number of cross-dressers revealing
their condition at an early stage is increasing. Their wives have mixed views about
their men's cross-dressing.
Wikipedia
states, "Both men and women may cross-dress to disguise their physical sex.
Historically, some women have cross-dressed to take up male-dominated or male-exclusive
professions, such as military
service. Conversely, some men have cross-dressed to escape from mandatory military
service or as a disguise to assist in political or social protest, as men did in
the Rebecca
Riots."
Vanessa Law at Cross-dresser Heaven, http://www.crossdresserheaven.com/
asked the question
"Why do you like to cross-dress"
She
received the following answers.
I
cross dress because it feels natural, “right”. When I cross-dress, I am less cranky
and feel stress relief. I feel complete, liberated, and content.
I
cross dress because I enjoy wearing woman’s clothes, with no particular desire to
look or present myself as a woman. It is fun.
Woman’s
clothes are more exciting, prettier, and more colorful.
I
cross dress because I enjoy feeling feminine – presenting me as a woman, behaving
likes a woman.
When
I cross dress it’s sexually exciting – I get a thrill out of wearing woman’s clothes
When
I cross dress I’m sexually excited by what I look like wearing woman’s clothes
I
dress because I feel I really am a woman inside, and I am just dressing in the clothes
appropriate to my gender.
Wanda
Wilson is a psychologist with expertise in cross-dressing and transvestism, who
promotes acceptance and understanding of the transgendered community.
Psychology
of Cross-dressing - Why Men Wear Dresses?
By
Wanda Wilson
Thousands
of men worldwide are, at this very moment, putting on their pantyhose, dresses,
makeup, and high heels, trying to look as pretty and as feminine as they can. The
sight of a grown man wearing a dress, in many societies is considered odd, or unusual,
and may even be a cause for ridicule. This phenomenon is often misunderstood, and
often yields the question, "Why would men want to wear clothing of the opposite
sex?" "Are these men perverted, or crazy?" "Are they gay?"
First,
let me assure you that this phenomenon occurs in all the countries of the world,
and is often referred to as transvestism, or cross-dressing. Transvestism is defined
as "the practice of dressing and behaving like the opposite sex." Men,
who choose to dress as females, come from all ethnic groups, and from all occupations.
Furthermore,
they are neither perverted, nor crazy. These individuals could be your next-door
neighbor, your boss, or even your brother. The man sitting next to you at church
could be wearing panties and a garter belt under his clothes for all you know. Cross-dressing
is actually quite common, but it is most often done in private or as a secret that
is hidden from others. Although, more and more men are "coming out" and
dressing "en femme." In fact, there are conventions where males of different
ages and backgrounds, get together to enjoy the freedom of dressing and socializing
as females. These conventions may draw hundreds of cross-dressings.
Why
would men do this, you might ask? Well, the fact of the matter is that they choose
to cross-dress for many reasons. The reasons vary according to the individual.
One
common reason that men choose to cross-dress, is for sexual gratification. They
may be sexually exited with the feel of the feminine fabrics and clothing on their
body. They may enjoy the sexual excitement that they experience from wearing feminine
clothing, and in seeing their feminine image.
Another
reason for cross-dressing, is that men want to feel free to express the feminine
side of their personality. Boys are commonly socialized to believe that they cannot
portray feminine traits. They cannot cry, appear weak, or be soft. Males who dress
in female clothing often feel liberated to express their emotions that perhaps,
they are not able freely to express as themselves. For at least a few moments, they
can shed the burdens and responsibilities of being a "man." Often, this
results in feelings of comfort, and reduced stress. Men wear dresses because it
feels good.
Perhaps
a reason for cross-dressing is one that is not often expressed, but is one that
I believe is common. The reason that men wear dresses, is to feel and experience
the "power of a woman." What power is this? It is the power of a beautiful
woman to be able to turn the heads of all the men as she enters the room. It is
the power that lingerie models have when they appear on television, and spontaneously
create a sensation in the groins of thousands of the men who are watching. It is
the power to choose who will get their attention, and perhaps who will mate with
them. It is a power that is biologically linked and has allowed the human race to
propagate.
One
reason that men cross-dress is to feel this power, and to experience what it is
to have the attributes that create this power. This may be similar to the man who
puts on the power suit and expensive shoes, sits behind a big desk in the office
on the twentieth floor overlooking the city, pretending he is the chief executive
officer of a multi-million dollar corporation. He pretends for a day to be the top
man, the millionaire corporate mogul who makes the choices. People open doors for
him, bring him coffee, and open their wallets for him. This is "power"
and it is very stimulating and intoxicating.
Women
are also very powerful. Women are very powerful, sexually. They know this, and men
know this. It is equally stimulating and intoxicating to experience this type of
power for a day. Even if it is only for a moment, and within the man's head, it
is a beautiful feeling to feel "sexy" and "feminine." Power
as we all know, is an aphrodisiac. This is why men wear dresses, and why this practice
has occurred for centuries.
Unfortunately,
in many societies cross-dressing, especially male to female, is often still a taboo.
A man wearing a dress or other feminine attire in public is often the subject of
ridicule. It is the purpose of this article to create acceptance, and to portray
cross-dressing as a normal practice that occurs throughout the world and in many
cultures.
Cross-dressers usually start
dressing up as a child or in their teens. In very few cases, it can start later
on in life.
From a survey of cross-dresser,
this question was asked. "How old were you when you first started wearing women's
clothes?"
Answers, Votes, Percent
1. 5-8 Years Old , 2984 34%
2. 9-12 Years Old , 2962 34%
3. 13-15 Years Old , 1491 17%
4. 16-20 Years Old , 375 4%
5. In My 20's , 334
4%
6. In My 30's , 211
2%
7. Over 40 , 429
5%
Total Votes: 8786, Clearly
over 75% by the age of 15
If you ask a hundred men
the prime reason for their cross-dressing, the vast majority would say that it enables
them to relax and get away from the stresses of modern life. A number would say
that they get sexual satisfaction from cross-dressing, and for some it is a combination
of the two. The problem with the use of cross-dressing to obtain sexual satisfaction
is that it causes further problems. Why? As a man climaxes, whether self-induced
by masturbation or in a gay or male-female relationship, the male hormones take over the mind. This produces a strong ‘maleness’, which
in turn produces a huge feeling of guilt and distaste to the transsexual about the
female clothes that he is now wearing. This destroys all the gains that have been
made from the relaxation gained by the initial dressing. The feeling of 'wrongness'
can be extreme to say the least. In the right circumstances, cross-dressing can
be a remarkable stress reliever.
There are some 6,000 postoperative
transsexual people in the UK of which around 4,500 are T2F (Trans to Female) and
some 1,500 T2M (Trans to Male). If you add to that the estimated 10,000 transsexual
people who have not yet completed transition and the probable 15,000 to 17,000 who
are still fighting and denying their true status then the figures become more realistic,
1 in 1250 for T2F and 1 in 3750 for T2M. Most transsexual people consider themselves;
quite correctly; to have been born transgendered and therefore the more commonly
used terms of M2F and F2M are perhaps nowadays a little ‘politically incorrect’.
Another resource estimates
it is now commonly believed that as many as one in fifteen men have transvestite
tendencies.
A Guide to Gender Dysphasia
– © Emma Michelle Martin
and Elevated Therapy - Oct '99 (updated Feb
'00)
Caroline Devilliers a geriatric
cross-dresser or transvestite has written the following:
Admittedly, I have read
a report which claimed that as many as 50% of men have, at some time or another,
dressed partly or completely in women’s clothes, but insufficient information was
given to enable one to check the veracity of the claim. Other estimates I have seen
put the number of occasional or regular cross-dressers at around 10% of the male
population in most developed countries, but again there was insufficient information
on how this figure was arrived at. However, some of the literature puts the number
as low as 1-2%, though even in those reports there was no indication how these figures
were calculated.
© Caroline Devilliers 2008
According to Oakland's Code of Ordinances, your style is illegal. Immoral Dress Code 9.08.080 has been in place
since 1879: “It is unlawful for any person in the city to appear in any public place
nude or in the attire of a person of the opposite sex, or in any indecent or lewd
attire.”
At wiki answers web site
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_crossdressing_illegal Is cross-dressing in the
UK illegal was posted. The answer was no.
It is illegal to wear a costume or disguise to elude legal pursuit by police or
to hide your identity as to avoid legal prosecution. It may be illegal to use the
bathroom of the opposite sex (even if you are dressed) and even if it is not specifically
illegal.
Most of the Christian religions
believe cross-dressing is a sin. Almost every cross dresser that is also a Christian
knows in their heart that God made them the way they are. Yet when actions run contrary
to beliefs, there is internal conflict, which manifests as guilt or shame. So a
cross dresser that has been told that God is against cross-dressing because it says
so in the Bible gets confused. Those who say this do not realize that the Bible
actually says nothing about cross-dressing except in one passage of scripture in
Deuteronomy.
If you would like to explore
a more positive interruption of the Christian beliefs go to http://ladiesknightout.com/CrossDressing_And_The_Bible.htm. This site looks at the
Bible from an objective analysis and the detail supplied here is based upon a great
deal of research from some of the top Biblical scholars and Biblical translations
that exist.
Not necessarily. Wearing
women's clothing is not always an indication of a man's sexuality. Some men just
like the feel of the clothing on their skin. They feel somehow comforted when the
slip on a nice pair of pantyhose or a satin bra. It could be that they are missing
something from their childhood and these items bring back a sense of security or
comfort. Perhaps they have high stress jobs with a lot of responsibility, and the
feel of a silky slip reminds them of being comforted by their mother when they were
young and had no responsibility. Alternatively, it could just be that they like
pantyhose! Many men are perfectly happy with their male bodies and their male sexuality.
The clothing they put on over that body has no effect on their sexual preference
or the desire to change their gender.
On the other hand, some
males who cross-dress do so because they truly do want to become women. They may
feel that although they were born with male bodies, that their personality is female,
and they may have had these instincts and desires for as long as they can remember...
including the earliest memories of their childhood. These men should most often
be referred to as 'transgendered' and not just 'cross-dressers', although many times
they are grouped together by the general public due to lack of knowledge and understanding.
Which is unfortunate, because one of the main things a transgender or cross-dresser
needs is a little understanding from those around him?
All kinds. There are cross-dressers
in every occupation... I have had the privilege of speaking to cross-dressing men
of all types throughout the years, and in every profession, including doctors, lawyers,
bankers, politicians, professional sports players, CEO's of big corporations, fast-food
restaurant managers, garbage collectors, schoolteachers, you name it! In addition,
they are always comforted when I let them know that they are not alone in their
secrets. You may be shocked if you were given x-ray glasses for just one day and
discovered how many men in your daily life are wearing panties and/or bras underneath
those business suits.
Typically, a man will have
their first cross-dressing experience as a child, adolescent or a teenager. They might sneak into their mother’s closet and
try on her bra or her panties. They might
get into their sister’s closet and try on one of her dresses. For some reason these boys have a strong curiosity
about females and their clothing. They discover
that it feels good.
As these boys become men,
they may not cross-dress for years, and then suddenly their urge arises. At this time, they may suppress these urges due
to relationships and circumstances at the time, or they may indulge them. They might
dress in secret, or openly, passing as a woman.
There is no one reason as
to “why they do it?” Men cross-dress for
various reasons. Some wear women’s clothes because it “feels good.” They like looking and feeling pretty. They like the feel of the satin or lace against
their body. They like the feeling of their
hairless body.
Another reason that men
cross-dress is that it reduces stress. When they are in women’s clothes, it is as
if a huge weight has been lifted off their shoulders. They feel “peaceful.” Moreover, it liberates them from the masculine
role. They can express feelings, giggle,
and even cry freely.
Some men also experience
a sexual thrill when they are dressed and looking like a sexy woman. As soon as they put on their panties, silicone
breasts, makeup and wig, they will experience a raging erection. They may culminate the experience with masturbation
to orgasm. However, not all cross-dressers
do it to get a sexual thrill.
Finally, some men will cross-dress
simply because it feels right. It satisfies
their need to express their feminine side.
The visual personification of a woman is congruent with how they feel inside. If they are not allowed to, dress they may experience
what is called “gender dysphoria”, which is basic discomfort with the socially prescribed
gender role. Dressing as a woman reduces
that discomfort.
Helen Boyd writes in her
book, ‘My Husband Betty,’ “those cross-dressers come from all walks of life, are
all ages and races. There are cross-dressers
in finance, government, engineering, and other high status jobs. Cross-dressers drive trucks, make deliveries,
and fix faucets. They act and write. They belong to the Republican and Democratic parties,
or vote Independent. They are heterosexual,
homosexual, and bisexual. Some are single,
while others enjoy long-term marriages or suffer multiple divorces. Many raise children. Some have substance abuse problems, and others
have never taken a drink.” I highly recommend
this book for “significant others.”
Cross-dressers come from all occupations, races, creeds, and
economic backgrounds. The phenomenon dates back many thousands of years. In some
cultures, especially some Native American tribes, they were highly respected as
shamans. Most cross-dressers are well educated and come from conventional family
backgrounds. The vast majority is heterosexual and most are, or have been, married.
Most are happy in their masculinity, and only a small percentage opts to live as
women full time. A few women are cross-dressers, but they are much less frequent
than males. No doubt, this is due to the Freedom Our Society Grants to Women in
Matters of Dressing and Self-Expression.
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
A) Cross-dressers come from
all walks of life, races, creeds, and economic backgrounds. The phenomenon dates
back many thousands of years. In some cultures, especially some Native American
tribes, they were highly respected as shamans. Most cross-dressers are well educated
and come from conventional family backgrounds. The vast majority is heterosexual
and most are, or have been, married. Most are happy in their masculinity, and only
a small percentage opts to live as women full time. A few women are cross-dressers,
but they are much less frequent than males. No doubt this is due to the freedom
our society grants to women in matters of dressing and self-expression.
Some men will need to dress
every day and may even go out in public fully dressed as a female. Some men will dress regularly but only in private. Other men will not dress for years, then suddenly
they feel the urge arise and will begin to dress. Still others, never completely dress up en femme,
they may only wear panties under their male clothing and will be satisfied.
This is not a simple question
to answer. Men cross-dress for many reasons
resulting from inside factor and outside factors. A inside factor would be that
they were born the wrong sex. Another inside
factor is they do not wish to be identified by the opposite sex. Outside factors would be the conditioning to enjoy
the pleasure of wearing woman cloths, or a need for sexual gratification.
Some men start cross-dressing
when they are young. Some boys are forced
to cross-dress as a form of punishment (reported as influence but not proven), other
boys who have older sisters or the house has a lack of a male figure will identify
with the Marjory of the house and will secretly try what he sees others do. Stockings were washed, dried within eyesight,
and touching. Bra and panties were mixed
with his clothing allowing a boy to touch and feel feminine items of clothing. About the age of puberty he may not started to
cross-dress. He does look for fantasies that heighten his sexual desire. It might be and accident or something he saw or
was told but he uses an article of female clothing to masturbate. He experiences a climax associating the woman
cloths touch him. A favored article of clothing may become erotic in itself and
may be used habitually, first in masturbation, and later in intercourse. Abnormal preference of sexual “objects” is fetishism,
reliance on inanimate objects, e.g. clothing or shoes, for arousal and gratification. It becomes Fetishistic Transvestism when wearing
of clothes of the opposite sex to obtain sexual excitement.
In 1995, the author and
cross-dressing Vernon Coleman made a survey of cross-dressers.
It was based on questions
from 1,000 British males Coleman belong to the cross-dressers who think there is
no connection between cross-dressing and transsexualism. I think there is such a
connection, although I understand his point about there being a big difference between
the cross-dressing who has no wish to become a woman for real, and the transsexuals
who are driven by a gender identity dysphoria.
WHAT CROSS-DRESSERS ARE
NOT
http://www.tri-ess.org/cd01.html
While the vast majority
of cross-dressers are ordinary heterosexual men with an additional feminine dimension,
they are stereotyped by society based on a highly visible minority who cross-dress
for entirely different reasons. Drag queens are usually gay or bisexual males who
don women’s clothes either to mock femininity and society’s stereotypes of gays,
or to find sex partners. Female impersonators
dress to entertain. Transsexuals believe
they are entrapped in the body of the opposite sex, and seek sexual reassignment
surgery.
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
In almost all cases no.
In very few instances do cross-dressing men progress to a sex change unless they
are latent Transsexuals.
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
Cross-dressers usually start
dressing up as a child or in their teens. In very few cases it can start later on
in life.
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
Probably out of a sense
of childlike curiosity. With some, their sisters or a baby sitter may have dressed
them up as girls either for fun or punishment. With some it is purely a fantasy.
Dressing can relieve the stress involved in living up to the perceived male role
model as a tough, problem solver. Pretending to be a girl may provide him with a
release from male peer pressures. Many times cross-dressers will start dressing
up in lingerie or silky clothing, like pantyhose or stockings purely for the feeling
of the fabrics on their body.
Cross-dressing in many cases, will progress as
time goes by to include complete dressing up, applying makeup and wigs, even mimicking
female walking and talking.
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
In the mid-twenties and
later social and economic pressures start to surface. Children, a mortgage, car
payments, and education worries can play a role. Undoubtedly the biggest factor
though is his job. Career matters at work intensify as peers are promoted even including
him. Pressures of family life and losing the newness of a relationship all can contribute
to his cross-dressing. As the stress builds up, the deep memories of his cross-dressing
resurfaces as it relieved stress and the daily pressures in the past.
http://www.geocities.ws/karenspecial/faq001.html
While with the exception
of the transsexual, all men who don feminine clothes can be termed as cross-dressers
in the general sense, a number of other terms are used today to more closely define
cross-dressers by their reason for cross-dressing.
Female Impersonator
The female impersonator is a person who’s prime
reason for cross-dressing is employment. They have perfected their cross-dressing
into a performing art. It is interesting to note that the late James Cagney got
his start in show business as a female impersonator.
Fetish
The fetish is a person who is sexually aroused
by the wearing of certain articles of feminine clothing. Unlike the average crossdresser,
the fetish will not dress completely, and will only dress when they wish sexual
arousal. In some cases the true fetish may not even become aroused unless wearing
the article of feminine clothes that gives him pleasure.
Femmiphile
This is the most common form of crossdresser. In
it’s simplicity, the femmiphile is a person who has a love for what our society
considers to be feminine and a very strong desire to associate themselves with the
feminine. Femmiphiles have high admiration for the female and wish to emulate them
as much as possible.
Transgenderist
Unlike the average crossdresser who will spend
most of his time in the masculine role, the transgenderist is a person who lives
and works in the crossgendered role full time. Unlike the transsexual, he is content
with his male organs and does not plan surgery to remove them.
Transsexual
While often confused with the crossdresser, transsexuals
are NOT considered to be cross-dressers. Unlike cross-dressers who recognize themselves
as males with a feminine part to them, the transsexual is a person who is psychologically
a member of one sex, and physiologically a member of the opposite sex. Unlike the
crossdresser, the transsexual cannot be content unless the physiological body is
surgically altered to be congruent with the psychological person who occupies that
body. While crossdressing for personality expression is far more common in masculine
to feminine form, transsexualism is about equally common in female to male as it
is in male to female.
UNDERSTANDING THE "WOMAN
WITHIN"
http://www.tri-ess.org/cd01.html
There is within each man
a set of personality potentials that are part of his birthright, but that society
labels as “feminine” and says he should suppress. Cross-dressers have made contact with these potentials
and found their expression fulfilling. Integrating
these into their whole personalities, cross-dressers are able to smooth off some
of the macho rough edges programmed by their upbringing. The result is a happier, healthier whole person.
Few activities seem to attract
more venom and contempt than cross-dressing.
One newspaper writer who
found out that her ex-husband was a cross-dressing described him as a `pervert'
and dumped a pile of her own old clothes on his mother's doorstep to make her point.
What inspires this level
of anger among so many women? Fear, I suppose. However, fear of what? Fear of the
competition for the underwear drawer? Fear that he might be gay? Fear that he will
stretch everything and ruin her tights? Fear that the neighbors will find out?
Dressing up in the sort
of clothes usually worn by women is one of the most harmless activities imaginable
and yet it is one of the most socially misunderstood.
Lots of men dress up - as
freemasons, soldiers or special constables - and transvestism is just a fun variation
on the dressing up theme but our society has developed in such a way that what we
choose to wear does, to a very large extent, define what we are, who we are and
what others think of us.
The judge wears a gown and
a wig. The priest wears a gown. The bishop wears a particularly fine gown. Kings
wear robes and crowns. Hotel porters, car park attendants, railway staff, airline
flight attendants and people in a thousand other different types of employment wear
clothes that help identify them. Plumbers wear overalls. Doctors wear white coats.
Nurses wear uniforms.
As our society becomes more
and more complex, so the uniforms become increasingly important. We define people
by whether they have `white collar' or `blue collar' jobs.
Men who cross-dress are
throwing an enormous spanner into the works of this finely balanced piece of social
machinery. It is, perhaps, hardly surprising that cross-dressing produces so much
confusion, bewilderment and resentment and so many pejorative remarks.
Despite the popularity of
transvestism, hardly anything is known about this `hobby' - other than the fact
that many men do it. (Many women cross-dress too but transvestism among women is
socially accepted. Millions of women regularly wear trousers and suits.).
The idea of men in clothes
usually worn by women may sound like a joke. However, it is not. Putting on female
clothes is, for thousands of men, the best way to deal with stress and escape from
the responsibilities of being a man. `If I did not cross-dress,' one man told me,
`I'd be dead. I had high blood pressure, which pills could not control. Wearing
feminine clothing brought my blood pressure under control.'
Precise figures are difficult
to obtain but my research shows that in an average week 100,000 in every 1,000,000
men dress - for some of the time - in something soft, silky or frilly. Often they
just wear a camisole and panties underneath their male clothes.
Most cross-dressers live
in constant fear of being found out. Around a quarter of male transvestites have
never dared share their secret with their wives. That means that around the world
millions of women are married to transvestites - and do not know it. In every million
women, there will be around 25,000 who are unknowingly married to (or living with)
transvestites.
Transvestism crosses all
social and professional barriers. Your best friend, your golf partner, your doctor,
your boss or your husband could be a secret transvestite. The chances are high that
someone you know well is a cross-dressing.
Here are some facts I uncovered
in a survey of 1014 British transvestites: (It is, I think, the biggest ever survey
of cross-dressers.)
* Well over three quarters
of all transvestites regularly wear the sort of underwear worn by women under their
male clothing. Many of the rest would do so if they were not frightened of being
found out by wives.
* Less than half of all
transvestites go out of their homes fully dressed as women and most of these are
honest enough to admit that they do not fool anyone. However, for most this is not
important. They want to dress in the sort of clothes worn by women - not become
women.
* Transvestism must be one
of the most harmless hobbies. Yet nearly three quarters of male transvestites admit
that they live in constant fear of being found out by prejudiced relatives, neighbors
or employers. One man who wrote to me to help with my survey drove to a nearby town
to post his anonymous letter. Many say they do not understand why women can wear
male clothing - but men cannot wear female clothes.
* Some wives are scornful
and dismissive. Others are patronizing and refuse to try to understand. Repeatedly
I have read pitiful letters from transvestites whose wives `allow' them to dress
for one hour a week - as long as they do it in secret.
* Three quarters of all
transvestites' partners know that the man in their lives dress in women's clothing.
However, a quarter of partners do not know.
* There is good reason for
the secrecy since most wives or girlfriends who know about their partner's cross-dressing
disapprove. They miss a lot of fun by being so selfish, narrow minded and disapproving.
* Happily, just over a third
of wives and girlfriends actively help their men dress as women by helping with
make up and clothes. Many women admit they get a sexual turn on from seeing their
male partner in silky, feminine clothes. It is common for transvestites whose partners
do approve to have sex while dressed as a woman.
* The vast majority of transvestites
are heterosexual.
* The average transvestite
spends 12 hours a week dressed as a woman - but would like to spend 70 hours a week
(rather more than half the `waking' week) dressed in feminine clothes.
* A growing number of men
have discovered that putting on stockings and a frock is the quickest way to escape
from the stressful responsibilities of being a man. I have little doubt that more
men would live longer if transvestism were more widely accepted.
I believe that transvestism
is one of the least harmful of all hobbies and one that no man should feel ashamed
of. It is, I believe, a perfectly acceptable way for any man to escape from the
day to day stresses of being a man in a stressful world. It is fun and clearly gives
many men a great deal of pleasure and it is difficult to think of any activity,
which is less likely to do harm to anyone.
Men who dress in women's'
clothes bring out a normal, healthy part of their own femininity, broaden their
outlook on life and enjoy a temporary respite from the responsibilities and demands
of being male.
I am always sad to read
of the number of women who do not accept their husband is cross-dressing. Time after
time, I have opened letters from men whose wives have treated them horrendously
badly.
I think it is appalling
that any woman should have the nerve to say to her partner: `Oh, well if you must
then I suppose you must - but you can only do it for an hour a week and you must
make sure that the curtains are drawn and that I'm well out of the house and by
the way I don't want to see any sign of your silly women's clothing and so on when
I get back.'
No woman would, I hope,
dare say anything like this to a man who took up golf or model making.
I think it is sad that transvestism
should be regarded as so much more horrendous than anything else - though I believe
that deep seated and false prejudices are probably at the root of it all.
Many women probably assume
that most transvestites are either homosexual or else candidates for sex change
surgery.
However, overall, there
is a huge difference between transvestites and transsexuals. Transsexuals are like
golfers - they lose their balls. Transvestites are keen to keep theirs.
My survey has made it clear
that the vast majority of transvestites are heterosexual and happy to be men. (Curiously,
cross-dressing is so misunderstood and commonly reviled that some women would doubtless
prefer it if they found out that their husband was gay or wanted to change sex.)
The full results of my survey
into cross-dressing appear in my book `Men in Dresses', which appears in full on
this website.
The pervious paragraphs
Copyright Vernon Coleman 2004
There are a number of theories,
which attempt to explain the practice of cross-dressing, none of which is even remotely
conclusive despite the undoubted credentials of their respective proponents.
Even Harry Benjamin, a doyen
amongst “sexologists” and founder of the Harry Benjamin International Dysphoria
Association has stated in his book The Transsexual Phenomenon (1996) that:-
“...psychoanalytic theories are something like
a cult, if not a religion, and are often quite incomprehensible to ordinary clinicians.
To them, their explanations and analyses many times appear far-fetched, even absurd,
in spite of their often intriguing and sometimes poetic quality…These psychoanalytic
concepts have been accepted variously as important scientific discoveries, or as
ingenious theories, but have also been criticized and rejected as merely intellectual
"games," a sophisticated voodoo, if not as plain nonsense and balderdash...The
prominent psychiatrists and university professors Buerger-Prinz, Giese, and Albrecht
in an important German monograph [Zur Phenomenologie des Transvestismus bei Maennern.(1953)]
call some psychoanalytic theories "think possibilities without evidence in
clinical observation" (phenomenology).”
Nevertheless, this did not stop Benjamin from devising
his own theories, which he encapsulated in his “Sexual Orientation Scale” for transvestites
and transsexuals
Many theories exist for
why men cross-dress but none had adequate research to be proven. A few are listed here. No attempt has been made
to explain the rational behind the theory.
Genetic Theory: Transgenderism
is inherited. If you are transgendered, then your offspring are more likely to be
transgendered.
Environmental Theory: Changes
in the atmosphere due to pollution, global warming etc., have upset the balance
and caused an inherent condition to become more common.
Decline in Moral Standards
Theory: The decline in moral standards has allowed perversions and fetishes' to
become more acceptable.
Modern Stress Levels Theory:
Stress in today's society is at an all-time high and people need an escape.
Brain Differences: The brains
of TV's and TS's are different from non-transgendered people.
Labeling Theory: The "labeling theory" suggested by Edwin Lemert in his
book Social Pathology: A systematic Approach to the Theory of Psychopathic Behaviour (1951), the very fact that someone is labeled
a cross-dresser results in them using the role assigned to them as a means of defense,
attack, or adjustment to the problems created by the subsequent societal reaction.
Brain Theory: The brains
of transsexual people are ‘wired up’ differently to ‘normal’ men. This may be connected
with the theory above but is subtly different.
Female is the Natural State
Theory: The male sex was a mistake by nature that it is now beginning to correct.
An evolutionary step is under way which will mean that the male sex in humans will
be outdated before 2200.
Unborn Twin Theory: It is
now well known that many pregnancies start as twins, but that one twin survives
only for a very brief time.
Abused Child Theory: As
a child, the boy was abused and forced to dress in girls cloths.
The Social Symptoms Theory:
In the isolated minority, syndrome can best be explained by the theory of deviancy
amplification. One type of deviance leads to other deviances. The sexual frustration,
low self-esteem, social stigmatisation and isolation may often lead to substance
abuse, social deroute, non-sexual crimes, political extremism and suicide.
No research exists to validate
the above theories. For the man that has
a sexual need or the man that has a sexual fattish it is more likely that the act
of cross-dressing is a learned behavior. You just do not wake up one morning wearing
panty hose or panties. You make a continuous
decision to find woman undergarment to wear.
In most men, the main reason to cross-dress is sexual. It is seldom something
you do spontaneously. You planned when and where you will cross-dress because you
do not want to be caught. You borrow or buy
something that will turn you on. The first
time you do this, it is a new experience with new sensations; heighten senses and
an adrenalin rush (noticeable increase in your strength, no feelings of pain, heightened
senses, sudden boost of energy and increased breathing).
It is like riding a bicycle
for the first time. You are scared at first. You might fall and hurt yourself. People
might laugh. Once on the bicycle gain your
balance, you learn how to push the peddles and steer a straight course. You now
can feel the wind in your face giving you exhilaration. Now your heart is pumping
and you learn this is a good experience.
Cross-dressing for the first time is the same thing. You are afraid you might be caught, and people
might laugh but you strip down naked and slid on stockings for the first time. You
feel how smooth they are touching your skin.
That touching can be sexually stimulating your heightened senses, just like
the wind in your face. The feeling exhilarates you; your heart is pumping faster
you have a sudden boost of energy. You are excited sexually and you provide self-gratification. At this point, you might be satisfied to continue
with wearing stockings. You think if stocking
can give you a little pleasure, maybe a garter and panty will increase that pleasure. Cross-dressing for some is a leaned behavior.
A person tends to do those things that give him pleasure and not do the things that
are not pleasurable. Once you find something
that gives you pleasure you will do it repeatedly.
Cross-dressing for some
can be a learned behavior. Learned behavior, "most human behavior is learned
observationally through modeling: from observing others one forms an idea of how
new behaviors are performed, and on later occasions this coded information serves
as a guide for action." Albert Bandura, Social Learning Theory, 1977.
According to Social Learning
theory, models are an important source for learning new behaviors and for achieving
behavioral change in institutionalized settings. Social learning theory is derived
from the work of Albert Bandura, which proposed that observational learning could occur in
relation to three models:
• Live model – in which
an actual person is demonstrating the desired behaviour
• Verbal instruction – in
which an individual describes the desired behaviour in detail, and instructs the
participant in how to engage in the behavior
• Symbolic – in which modeling
occurs by means of the media, including movies, television, Internet, literature,
and radio. This type of modeling involves a real or fictional character demonstrating
the behaviour.
An important factor of Bandura’s
social learning theory is the emphasis on reciprocal determinism. This notion states
that an individual’s behaviour is influenced by the environment and characteristics
of the person. In other words, a person’s behaviour, environment, and personal qualities
all reciprocally influence each other. Bandura proposed that the modeling process
involves several steps:[3]
1. Attention – in order
for an individual to learn something, they must pay attention to the features of
the modeled behaviour.
2. Retention – humans need
to be able to remember details of the behaviour in order to learn and later reproduce
the behaviour.
3. Reproduction – in reproducing
a behavior, an individual must organize his or her responses in accordance with
the model behavior. This ability can improve with practice.
4. Motivation – there must
be an incentive or motivation driving the individual’s reproduction of the behaviour.
Even if all of the above factors are present, the person will not engage in the
behaviour without motivation.
Briefly, you learn by observing a model (live,
verbal or symbolic). The learning process includes attention to the model, retention
of the model, reproduction of the model and motivation. A boy may observe his mother,
sister, aunt or other female dressing or observe their clothing. A boy may try to act like a female role figure
by wearing their cloths or acting with feminism mannerism. This behavior is remembers, may not be acted on
for many years. The man will try to reproduce his past memories based on motivation
and incentives. One incentive is the feeling when dressed. One motivation can be the reactions he derives
when dressed, positive reinforcement.
A person's sexual preference
or sexuality is independent of their mental gender identity. Human sexual diversity
exists amongst Cross-dressers in the same basic proportions as it does in the general
community. In fact, as Cross-dressers are part of the general community, your "average"
Cross-dresser is likely to be heterosexual, to have married and have children.
http://lvtgw.jadephoenix.org/Info_htm/General/cdfaq02.htm
Copyright © 2001 by Diane Wilson. All rights
reserved.
No!
Cross-dressing is something quite apart from a sexual activity for most cross dressers.
The motivations lie at an equally deep and natural level in the person as does sexual
attraction, motivation and preference, yet they are different. These two confusing
elements of the total person (sex and gender) are indeed closely linked in most
people. So much akin are they our language does not even, have an appropriate verbal
differentiation. Our language wrongly uses the terms "Gender" and "Sex"
interchangeably. It uses sexual terms, which refer to anatomical features as their
basis\ interchangeably with terms, which in reality are most accurately reserved
for things, which are not sexual in being at all. It uses "woman" when
it means "female". It uses "man" when it means "male".
It fails us when it comes to accuracy and this inaccuracy does lead to a lot of
confusion. Nevertheless, cross-dressing as practiced by the heterosexual cross dresser
is something quite apart from sex and sexual expression.
http://www.tri-ess.org/cd01.html
Human
beings are sexual creatures. Early on, many cross-dressers find the activity sexually
stimulating. However, research shows the sexual factor tends to become less prominent
over time. Cross-dressing is more a matter of personality than sexuality. For many
the need to cross-dress becomes a part of the self, just as musicians need to play
music, writers need to write, or ballplayers need to play ball. A life without cross-gender
expression is to some as tragic as the life of a musician forced to live without
music. Like musical talent, cross-gender expression can be a real gift
Absolutely
not. I have known many men who cross-dress, who are not interested in other men
at all. They are often married men who are completely heterosexual, only they enjoy
the feel of silky satin panties or sexy nylons on their skin. While it is the exception
and not the norm, in some instances their wives are aware of their cross-dressing
needs and fully embrace this... and why not? After all, a cross-dressing man is
the most fun to go shopping! No worries about them whining that they want to go
home, or that they would rather go to Home Depot than Victoria's Secret, and if
you are lucky and wear a similar size, then you can borrow clothes from each other,
thereby doubling your wardrobe! However, just because the wife or girlfriend is
comfortable with her cross-dressing male partner does not necessarily mean that
they are comfortable with the rest of the free world knowing about it. This often
times means that cross-dressing escapades are kept behind bedroom doors or in the
privacy of their own home, or that the taboo items are worn in secret under 'normal'
male clothing. Just because the wife or girlfriend is accepting of it unfortunately
does not mean the employer necessarily will be.
For
many cross-dressing men, they feel uneasy telling their wives or girlfriends about
their desires to dress in female clothing. They are concerned about the reaction
they may get from their partner if they reveal these deepest of desires. Most times,
it does not go over well and none lives happily ever after. This is usually because
the partner does not take the time to ask questions about her cross-dressing man's
reasons for wanting to dress this way. They worry that this means he is gay, or
at the very least, bisexual. For some, knowing that a man enjoys wearing panties
or bras seems to strip away any sense of masculinity in their eyes. Even if he only
wears these items in the bedroom or during his private time, they can no longer
look at him as the provider, the protector, the man they thought he was. This causes
most cross-dressing to keep their hobby a secret, and sometimes can put a strain
on relationships. It's often a double edged sword... the cross-dressing man sometimes
resents his partner for not being able to reveal this part of himself to her. On
the other hand, if he does reveal it, then he often times will lose her as a part
of his life. This is why I say that cross-dressers have a lot of courage... it takes
guts to wear panties.
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faqA)
No, cross-dressing men are usually not gay and
most are married or in a heterosexual relationship. Less than 10% of cross-dressers
consider themselves bisexual, or homosexual. The stereotype that cross-dressers
are gay comes from the false assumption that femininity exists to serve masculinity.
One has to first assume that the reason women wear dresses, makeup, or heels is
to gather the attention of men, within this sociological sexist framework, people
can then repeatedly assume that any man who dresses as a woman is also doing it
to gain the attention of other men. Of course this isn’t the truth at all.
It’s
true that on occasion women do dress up to impress a man, but the vast majority
of the time women dress to look nice for themselves, to feel better about themselves,
or to impress each other. Cross-dressers are much the same; they dress up because
it feels good to them, not necessarily to attract the attention of other men.
http://lvtgw.jadephoenix.org/Info_htm/General/cdfaq02.htm
Copyright © 2001 by Diane Wilson. All rights
reserved.
Again,
the answer is a resounding NO. In fact, the NO cannot be made sufficiently emphatic.
Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) or Sex Change Surgery" as it is sometimes called,
is quite another thing. This is a sexual thing at the very core. Diagnostically,
the person from the very earliest ages, many even before the onset of puberty, is
aware of a feeling most commonly said to be "trapped in the wrong body"
in a sexual identity dysphoric condition. Such people are diagnosed as "Transsexuals"
for their fundamental feeling set has equally deep roots, which are quite apart
from clothing and are in essence directed to their anatomical structures and many
times to the sexual anatomy of those to whom they are attracted sexually. This condition
is recognized as a medical condition which is commonly treated by long-term psychotherapy,
long-term hormonal therapy and finally by surgical alteration of the person's external
genitalia. This condition is found in both those born female and those born male.
The predominance is among males. A terribly distressing situation has arisen in
conjunction with the proliferation in recent years of the so-called "Gender
Clinics" (a terribly misnomer, as it were) and the relative ease with which
many individuals have been admitted to the surgical suites. This has led to a phenomenon
in which borderline individuals have sought to bolster their own decision to assume
the identity and goals of the true transsexual by "recruiting" and otherwise
influencing other insecure, confused, and often gullible individuals to set forth
on the same course of action. This has been encouraged it seems, by some individuals
in the "Gender Clinic" business for obvious reasons. SRS is not inexpensive.....
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
Yes!
In the beginning especially as a teenager experimenting with self-gratification.
The cross-dressing often adds to heighten the sexual feelings in young CD. Usually
the sexual desires will be less as a crossdresser grows older to completely being
nonexistent by middle age.
Paying
a visit to the Ladies' Toilets.
Cross-dressers
have usually had the unique experience of visiting both Men's and Women's toilets
during their life time and isn't there a difference!
Men's
toilets are dour, smelly places where no one talks, not even to your best friend,
except if it is at the footy, but the conversation must be limited to questioning
the intelligence of the referee and his clear bias towards the opposing team of
Neanderthals. There are strict, but unspoken, rules about where one stands at the
trough - never next to another man unless it is packed and only then with an internal
increase in anxiety. Eyes must never be seen to gaze below the horizontal or more
than 5 degrees left or right. Hand washing is considered an optional extra. The
aim is to get in and out of there in the shortest time possible.
The
Ladies' toilets are, in contrast, the places of bright chatter and laughter. Anything
can and will be discussed, no matter how personal. Conversations will occur between
cubicles several feet apart. No one is in a rush, even if there is a queue. After
the compulsory thorough hand washing, makeup is repaired, hair tidied up, and clothes
smoothed and straightened. The conversations continue unabated.
The
cross-dresser is, however, at a bit of a disadvantage. She cannot talk out loud
for fear of discovery. She must sit to pass urine which may be unaccustomed for
her. If she does insist on using the standing position (Heaven Forbid!), then she
must remember to lower the seat. Also, she has trouble mimicking the tinkling sound
that women make passing urine. However, by sitting towards the back of the seat,
leaning forwards and positioning one's male appendage towards the water, one can
create a pretty fair simile.
While
most women tolerate or ignore the occasional cross-dresser in their Inner Sanctum,
some do not like it, so follow the rules above and do not spend longer than necessary
preening one's self.
A
final note, if you are ever dressed in Sydney CBD and you are near the Queen Victoria
Building, it should be compulsory to visit the Ladies' Toilets on Level 2. They
are amazing: sumptuous floor-to-ceiling marble, massive cubicles, stylish fittings
and comfortable seating. Quite an experience.
Christine
Parker, Seahorse Webmistress.
http://lvtgw.jadephoenix.org/Info_htm/General/cdfaq02.htm
Copyright © 2001 by Diane Wilson. All rights
reserved.
The
issue of children of the cross dresser is an emotionally burdensome one. There is
no formula answer. What is the best for one family in which cross-dressing is a
natural part of the father is being human could be suitable for another family and
yet for a third family, it could be very wrong.
In
general, taking into consideration the psychological formative years of the child
being essentially from birth to age five as being those years in which the child
learns the most and most personal patterns are well formed, if the parent discovers
cross-dressing and comes to terms with it during those times, it is generally held,
telling the children is appropriate. During these younger years, the child can grow
up knowing "dad" as both a "man" and as a "woman"
with no problems. This is not going to "mark" the child in any way. The
child will be inclined to femininity or masculinity according to the "luck
of the draw" when the influences of the genetically inherited nature is laid
down at conception. The critical thing in parenting in this situation is to be honest
and to provide the child with positive reinforcement for the inclinations the child
begins to exhibit early on. As the child's nature matures and begins to manifest
itself, in terms of femininity and masculinity, the wise parent will observe and
will be supportive of the child becoming who, what, and how he/she is by nature.
In the case the parent discovers and comes to terms with multi-general inclinations
and begins to manifest the long repressed gender side of self after the children
have passed about the age of twelve or thirteen, it is not advisable for the parent
to make an issue of cross-dressing.
If
the children discover it, honesty is the one positive thing to practice. Children
in the teen years are in much chaos already. The awakening of their own sexuality
and the powerful influence of their peer group have to be taken into consideration.
Therefore, there is no "formula" to be given. Each situation, each family,
each cross dresser, each spouse, and each child makes a huge difference.
What
is right for one may be right or wrong for another. Each must make the best choice
they can and work out the negatives if any develop because of the decision made.
While
it is very rare for the children of a cross-dresser themselves to become cross-dressers,
many wives who accept their husband cross-dressing are fearful that the children
will become cross-dressers and thus do not allow their husband to cross-dress in
front of their children. Many cross-dressers themselves feel that the knowledge
of their cross-dressing to be far too much of a burden on the children and simply
do not let them know. When the father has informed his children of his cross-dressing,
it is generally found that when told during an early age, the children benefit from
a father who is more compassionate sympathetic, and involved with them.
Because
cross-dressing is somewhat socially unacceptable (although this is rapidly changing),
many cross-dressers do not tell their wives about their cross--dressing needs. This
often results in marital disharmony. Many cross-dressers are afraid that the wife
will not understand and will leave upon finding out about her husbands feminine
desires. Where the wife is aware of her husband's feminine side and has decided
to accept and even assist her cross-dressing husband in becoming more feminine the
marriage has in fact been strengthened. Wives have found their cross-dressing husbands
more willing to do household chores and to be more loving, sympathetic, and compassionate
resulting in a much stronger relationship.
http://www.tri-ess.org/cd01.html
How
a cross-dresser’s wife accepts him depends on his own degree of insight and personal
maturity, the strength of their relationship, and the way in which she learns about
the cross-dressing. Discovering his secret can send her on an emotional roller coaster
ride of anger, fear, denial and grief. She may feel it threatens her own femininity
and the future of their relationship. Open
and honest communication is vital here. Once
a wife or partner realizes her mate isn’t leaving her for another man or for a new
life as a woman, or taking risks that could destroy their financial and family life,
the two of them can seek a balanced solution that suits their own unique needs and
circumstances. Healing comes when the wife
or partner realizes that her mate is the same person she has always known, recognizes
the risk her man has taken in revealing his innermost feelings, and appreciates
the trust this represents. Many of the traits
that attracted her in the first place - sensitivity, kindness, appreciation of beauty,
etc. - can now be seen as belonging to that “woman within.”
http://www.tri-ess.org/cd01.html
A
cross-dresser’s children don’t appear at any greater risk of becoming cross-dressers
themselves. Indeed, children benefit from
exposure to a father who is usually more sensitive, creative and involved in their
lives than the average. The decision to tell
the children about one’s crossgender expression is a highly personal one, to be
arrived at jointly by the parents, with the needs of the child paramount.
Cross-dressers
are usually torn between the desire to “protect” their children on the one hand,
and the negative effects of deceit on the other. Telling the children at a time
and under circumstances controlled by the parents, however, does forestall the children
finding out somehow at a time when they are least prepared to deal with it.
In
our experience, timing - when the children are told - is more important than what
they’re told. Adolescence, a time of struggle
to establish social and sexual identity, is not the right time (especially if the
children are boys). If boys are not told
earlier in childhood, it is generally best to wait until adulthood. On the other
hand, children who are told in early childhood tend to accept cross-gender expression
as “no big deal.” Such children are well
prepared to deal with the diversity of modern society.
The
most important thing is... do not freak out. Your cross-dressing male is still the
same person he was before you found out he liked to wear women's clothing. Try to
be non-judgmental open, and willing to listen. Do not get angry or upset with him,
give him a chance to tell you how he is feeling and what this part of his life means
to him. If you want to know something, do not be afraid to ask him questions. Be
honest and up front with him... are you worried he might be gay or bisexual? Ask
him! Do you want to know how long he has been doing this? He may be relieved to
tell you! Want to know what size panties he wears so you can share with him? Ok,
I know, that may be rushing it a bit... but why not? He may love it if you show
your acceptance of him and offer to help him with his cross-dressing hobby. On the
other hand, he may say although he is glad you are okay with it, he would rather
keep as a private and personal thing. This is okay too, and whatever he decides
to do, you should try to understand and give him his own space. He may be uncertain
of how you will react after you have had time to think about it and is nervous for
what the future holds. Just give him time, patience and love, and you may just find
that you not only have all the qualities you loved in your male friend, but also
all the qualities you love in a good girl friend. (See related, "So you
just found your man has fantasies about bisexuality?)
Cross-dressing
is somewhat of a compulsion. Although the
man may say that he will “purge” i.e. get rid of all his feminine clothing and equipment,
and stop dressing, it is not likely that he will succeed. Most likely, he will stop for a time and then
begin cross-dressing again, but in secret.
Most cross-dressers feel that they ‘must’ dress. It is a part of who they are. It is necessary for their well-being.
The
time to “come out” is and always should be an individual decision. Only you can decide when to tell your wife or
girlfriend about your cross-dressing. When
doing so, truthfulness, and honesty are usually the best policy. On the other hand, Helen Boyd has offered some
basic guidelines as to what not to do:
· Don’t tell your wife when she is expecting or
delivering your child.
· Don’t tell her by getting dressed en femme and
waiting for her in your living room while she is out doing the grocery shopping.
· Don’t tell her by leaving massive amounts of
literature about cross-dressing around the house.
· Don’t tell her after you have just watched a
cross-dressing nut announce to his wife on “Jerry Springer” that he has been having
an affair for the previous six months with a man.
· Don’t tell her by suggesting you would look
better in her new red dress than she does.
· Don’t tell her by planning a “surprise” visit
to a Tri-Ess meeting.
· Don’t take her to a drag club and say, “I always
wanted to do that.”
What
one must understand about cross-dressing is that it is a complex phenomenon. It has existed for centuries and is not likely
to go away. It is my intent to create understanding,
empathy, and acceptance for the cross-dresser and their significant others.
Cross-dressing
is not considered aberrant behavior. Most
importantly, they are not pedophiles. If your husband or boyfriend were caught speeding
while driving a car in women’s clothes in a large city, the most he would get is
a snicker and a traffic citation from the police officer. He would be sent on his way, and the officer would
just call it another typical night in the city.
According
to ‘Men in Dresses’ by Vernon Coleman, “the vast majority of transvestites are staunchly
heterosexual. Eight out of ten men who cross-dress
have had only heterosexual experiences. The
incidence of homosexuality is much the same among transvestites as it is among the
rest of the male population.”
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
Cross-dressing
is rarely a cause for divorce as compromise is usually only a matter of granting
time for the activity. In most cases, cross-dressers stay married. Most differences
can be worked out to the satisfaction of the couple.
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
Generally
speaking, no. A large majority of cross-dressers do not identify themselves as transsexual,
or identifying with being born into the wrong body. For the majority of cross-dressers,
their feminine feelings and expressions are limited to clothing, fashion, makeup,
wigs. Unfortunately, the society we live
in commends very limited roles for both males and females, but when it comes to
dress codes, males are much more limited. Some men grow up resenting this, much
the same way that some girls grow up resenting wearing dresses and choose never
wear them. A lot of times guys, just like many women, get exhausted by their prescribed role in society
and just want to find some kind of “balance” by expressing something different than
masculinity.
http://lvtgw.jadephoenix.org/Info_htm/General/cdfaq02.htm
Copyright © 2001 by Diane Wilson. All rights
reserved.
Some
do. Some do not. The issue of spousal accommodation to cross-dressing is as varied
as are the couples in whose lives cross-dressing becomes an issue. There are no
formulae. Each person involved has to search self and consider much more than the
prejudices and emotional flaring which commonly accompany disclosure of cross-dressing.
Fundamentally, the acquisition of knowledge and the enrichment of attitude are essential.
Remember spouses grow up subject to the same sociological conditioning interims
of socially approved stereotypes as do the cross dressers for whom this is a major
problem. Cross-dressing introduced into a marriage invariably requires rapid growth
in terms of knowledge, self-esteem, and security of the relationship or the relationship
is in dire threat of falling apart. It is a case of "grow or go" most
of \the time. Therefore, it is wise for the cross dresser who discovers and comes
to terms with cross-dressing before marriage to be honest and risk loss of the intended
rather than go through the trauma of disillusionment which so often happens later
on. "Tell your intended first, and then work out the relationship before you
get into a legally binding situation" is our advice. A good policy to follow
is for a cross dresser to share cross-dressing with a lady no later than the third
or fourth date. Being rejected early never has hurt so badly as being rejected later
on when a relationship has begun to mature. Further, this gives the lady due respect
and freedom to stay or go away as she chooses and there is no "inducement under
false pretense". It is just the honest and honorable thing to do.
Women
generally do not support this fetish - at all. They do not want their man to use
objects as a substitute for human intimacy. They need to be the only focus of their
man's intimacy. They need a man to hold them and love them. They need a man who
will protect them and make them feel secure. They need to love a man they can respect
and honor.
Most
cross-dressers are heterosexuals, they are happy being men, and they consider their
fetish to be a problem. It makes them feel guilt and shame, and so they limit their
cross-dressing and keep it private, very private. That's it. It works. Determine
that you are best living as a man. Limit your cross-dressing and live within your
limits. I know, you brain wants more and more neurotransmitters and is using cross-dressing
as the tool to release more of them. Therefore, you feel a need to push the envelope
and go further and further with your cross-dressing. Do not do it. Live with your
limits.
From
the Cross-dressing Freedom web site, one poster provided the following response
http://www.crossdressingfreedom.com/crossdressing-opinions/why-do-men-crossdress/
If you are a man and were any article of woman
clothing you are considered as a transvestite.
If you wear woman cloths because you want an operation to become a woman,
then you are a transexual. Both transvestism
and transsexualism are association both incorrectly with homosexuality. Both are
confusing terms, even confused by some practicing cross-dressers. A typical transvestite
would be a man who appears quite normal when he is not cross-dressing. He is not
likely to be homosexual, will prefer women as his sex partners and will most certainly
not want to lose his penis. In contrast, a typical male transsexual will not identify
in any way with his physically normal male body. He believes that he is a woman
and is trapped in the body of a man. To him, his penis is a mistake of nature and
he will want to get rid of it.
One
argument is that transvestism of cross-dressing is a way of offering a challenge
to society's preconceptions about gender. Some men cross-dress because they are
unhappy at being men. Others did not mind the male state, but also like to put on
women's clothes occasionally. Some men cross-dress simply to make a passing social
or fashion statement, and some because they have emotional needs that can only be
met by the comfort that wearing women's clothes gives them.
To
explain transvestitism, we need now invoke only one simple mechanism whereby the
female urge to look attractive is erroneously expressed by a male. No other aspect
of the transvestite's behaviour need be affected since it seems that this urge to
present sexually as a female is not related to sexual preference or any other trait.
Defective genes or some kind of fault of inheritance need not even cause it. It
may be that all males inherit the necessary genes but that some environmental influence
causes their inappropriate expression. Indeed, there is some suggestive evidence
that the hormonal environment in the womb at a critical period may be such a cause.
If
this were so, why do so many transvestites find it sexually arousing to cross dress?
I think that, here, we do not have to be particularly ingenious about finding an
explanation. I believe that the answer lies in one or, more likely, all of the following
phenomena:
Women's
clothing becomes associated with sex. Items like bras and panties, even for normal
men, become fetish objects by a simple process of association with the arousal they
feel when they see or feel them on desirable women. Actually wearing such inherently,
arousing garments under the influence of a drive to feel physically attractive can
lead to inevitable arousal.
For
men, sexual arousal by visual cues is easy. This is even easier when the mood is
sexually oriented or the man has been primed in some way to be sexually aroused.
Thus, the sight of a stockinged foot in a high-heeled shoe or of a satin dress pulled
taught across a soft belly, even though these things on your own body still evoke
the usual arousal response.
Physical
intimacy and touch also lead to sexual arousal. One's own body is about as physically
intimate as it is possible to be. In the already sexually charged atmosphere of
a cross-dressing session, the touch of sensual fabrics against your body, the feel
of the smooth lines and surfaces, the swell of a hip or buttock as your hand caresses
it are all deliciously sexy.
Some
transvestites talk about a kind of sympathetic magic as part of the autoerotic experience
of cross-dressing. Cross-dressing, they argue, involves turning themselves into
the object of their desire, thus gaining mastery of it. It is certainly true that,
when cross-dressed, it is something like having an eager and willing woman to touch
and admire, who will pose for you and who will let you watch her, touch her and
fondle her as much as you like. However, I think that to say this is a reason why
men cross-dress is to confuse cause and effect. In fact, I suspect that this completely
sexual side of transvestitism is merely a pleasant side effect.
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
Compromise
is the key for both parties. After all you are hurt and probably shocked after finding
out. This is a lot to absorb in a short time and try to realize that neither of
you is to blame.
He is terrified now of losing you or that you’ll
tell someone.
Reassure
him that you love him and that you are going to need to give him some time to allow
him cross-dress behind closed doors. Remember, it is a stress reliever for him.
If you don’t want him to touch your apparel, just tell him. He needs to respect
your wishes but you should assist him in get his own clothing and such. Catalogs
work great or online shopping if you don’t want to shop with him.
He
can also join a cross-dressers club in your area where he can dress freely. There
are also support groups where you can talk to other wives experiencing your same
situation.
Sometimes
you will come across a bitter group. You are in the wrong place. You need understanding,
not condemnation.
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
You
both have much to gain. After so many years in the closet he is finally free to
be himself and feel accepted by the one he loves. Benefits are less stress, happier
person, better health, thoughtfulness and appreciation.
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
Often
cross-dresers are compulsive by nature. Finally feeling free to dress up, newly
accepted cross-dressers often become like kids in a candy store. You may have to
jolt him back to reality. You just state that you miss the man you love and married.
Tell him you’d like to see that man a little more often. If he has trouble, he may
see a psychiatrist about his compulsive behavior.
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
There
are so many resources available to you. Check out our crossdresser resources pages
for great books and other sites that explore this topic. You can also seek out a
gender therapist who specializes in dealing with gender identity issues. At a minimum,
you should try and be open and honest about your feelings with your partner and
ask the same in return. Try and keep an open mind, and realize that while women
may not be treated equally or fairly in terms of employment, or numerous other things,
that men are not treated equally or fairly when it comes to gender expression, among
other things. Your relationship with each other can grow much stronger. Your understanding
of humanity and society will grow much deeper through this. However you really need
to have open lines of communication, and mutual respect.
http://www.geocities.ws/karenspecial/faq001.html
To
this we can answer a resounding YES. In one survey of cross-dressers it was found
that about seventy percent of them were in fact married, and about seventy percent
of those had children.
http://www.geocities.ws/karenspecial/faq001.html
Because
cross-dressing is socially unacceptable, many cross-dressers do not tell their wives
about their cross-dressing needs. This often results in marital disharmony. Many
cross-dressers are afraid that the wife will not understand and will leave upon
finding out about her husbands feminine desires. Where the wife is aware of her
husbands feminine side and has decided to accept and even assist her crossdressing
husband in becoming more feminine the marriage has in fact been strengthened. Wives
have found their cross-dressing husbands more willing to do household chores and
to be more loving, sympathetic, and compassionate.
http://www.geocities.ws/karenspecial/faq001.html
While
it is very rare for the children of a crossdresser to themselves become cross-dressers,
many wives who accept their husband cross-dressing are fearful that the children
will become cross-dressers and thus do not allow their husband to cross-dress in
front of their children. Many cross-dressers themselves feel that the knowledge
of their cross-dressing to be far too much of a burden on the children and simply
do not let them know. Where the father has informed his children of his cross-dressing,
it is generally found that when told during an early age, the children benefit from
a father who is more compassionate sympathetic, and involved with them.
In
most cases, no treatment is necessary as cross-dressing not considered an illness.
If the cross-dressing is out of control and becomes compulsive, then, anti-compulsion
drugs are sometimes prescribed.
Not
according to Carl Jung, the famous Swiss psychiatrist. He espoused that little boys
naturally exhibit certain feminine characteristics, which are intrinsic to all people,
regardless of gender. He called this feminine side our Anima. However, parents,
in an attempt successfully rear their boys into manly men; discourage all displays
of the feminine in their sons. These feminine behaviors may be extremely subtle,
and the corresponding parental disapproval, perhaps even more so. Jung contends
that children, in particular, are extremely receptive to cues of approval and disapproval.
So perhaps a little boy exhibits even a look or a stance, which is perceived as
feminine by his parents, and he receives in response, a raised eyebrow, or even
a slight frown. This exchange may occur on such a sub-conscious level, that neither
the boy, nor his parent, even realizes that it has taken place. However, the young
boy registers that transaction in his forming mind, and thus begins the negative
association with that natural, feminine part of him, his Anima. He makes sure that
he represses all feminine behaviors from that moment on. Alternatively, does he?
Jung sustained that it is impossible to thwart something that is intrinsic to our
nature, such as our inherent masculine and feminine traits (in Jungian thought,
those being the Animus and Anima, respectively). The outward manifestation of the
Anima will surface again, and often, when it does, it can be in traditionally unacceptable
ways, such as cross-dressing. In Jungian psychology, however, the act of cross-dressing
is a path toward embracing one's Anima, and a very pivotal part of the human experience
and growth process. However, cross-dressing is but a stepping-stone toward self-actualization.
The complete man, is one who may go through a period of embracing his feminine side
by way of cross-dressing,
but who also eventually transforms into neither masculine nor feminine, but rather
becomes a new being, a very healthy embodiment of both. Jung contends that the man
that allows himself to cross-dress, as a healthy vehicle toward to the ultimate
acceptance and integration of his feminine self, will eventually no longer need
to cross-dress, once those two facets of his being, the Anima and the Animus merge.
Jung contends that the man who is stuck in the cross-dressing phase of his life
experiences arrested development.
Clinicians
classify “transvestic fetishism” under the category of “gender identity disorder,”
according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual-4. It is not considered a problem unless “the fantasies,
sexual urges, or behaviors cause clinically significant distress or impairment in
social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. When a male goes
to therapy for transvestism, it is not because he wants to be “fixed,” most likely
he just wants to be accepted. The clinician
may try to address depression that is often associated with the inability to fulfill
satisfactorily the need to cross-dress. Moreover,
when a couple goes to a therapist, it is most likely to address how the cross-dressing
has affected the relationship, but not to “cure” the individual.
There
is no cure for Cross-dressing for the simple reason that Cross-dressing is not an
illness but a state of being. Cross-dressers are-"born and not made".
Think of it this way - if you always desired to have the Tagalong type of cookie
and your friend always desired the Lemonade type of cookie. However, something happened
in society that suddenly made desiring the Tagalong type of cookie not "socially
acceptable" by societal norms. Does that also suddenly stop making you desire
the Tagalong type of cookie? Has desiring Tagalong cookies suddenly become an "illness"
that someone else needs to "cure"? Of course not. When viewed with a broader
perspective one can see that the desire to cross-dress is also one's personal desire.
The
chief adjustment problem cross-dressers face is societal attitudes. While these
have been changing since cross-dressers appeared on the Donahue Show in 1987, acceptance
is far from complete. Because of possible consequences to families, jobs and friends,
many cross-dressers live shrouded in secrecy. Some cross-dressers deny their feminine
side and dispose of their clothing, only to return to cross-dressing later, frustrated
by the amputation of so significant a part of their personality. Some seek therapy, but as many therapists are
not knowledgeable about cross-gender issues, cross dressers sometimes find themselves
educating the therapist rather than getting the help they seek. Nor are psychiatric
drugs of benefit. There is no “cure” for cross-dressing, and most cross-dressers
do not want one!
Cross-dressers
come from all occupations and every strata of society. Spouses, parents, children
and friends are Cross-dressers. There are no distinctions. Cross-dressers come from
all occupations, races, creeds, and economic backgrounds. The phenomenon dates back
many thousands of years. In some cultures, especially some Native American tribes,
they were highly respected as shamans. Most cross-dressers are well educated and
come from conventional family backgrounds. The vast majority is heterosexual and
most are, or have been, married. Most are happy in their masculinity, and only a
small percentage opts to live as women full time. A few women are cross-dressers,
but they are much less numerous than their male counterparts. Perhaps this is due
to the relative latitude society grants to women in matters of dress and self-expression.
·
Hua Mulan
· Pope Joan · Joan of Arc · Anne Bonny and Mary Read Bonnie Prince Charlie · Chevalier d'Eon · George Sand (Amandine-Aurore-Lucile Dupin) · Dorothy Lawrence · Rrose Sélavy,
· J. S. G. Boggs · Yasumasa Morimura · Grayson Perry · Billy Tipton · Willmer "Little Ax" Broadnax · Edward Hyde, 3rd Earl of Clarendon · Eddie Izzard
· Pope Joan · Joan of Arc · Anne Bonny and Mary Read Bonnie Prince Charlie · Chevalier d'Eon · George Sand (Amandine-Aurore-Lucile Dupin) · Dorothy Lawrence · Rrose Sélavy,
· J. S. G. Boggs · Yasumasa Morimura · Grayson Perry · Billy Tipton · Willmer "Little Ax" Broadnax · Edward Hyde, 3rd Earl of Clarendon · Eddie Izzard
See
List of Transgendered people at http://zagria.blogspot.com/2008_06_01_archive.html
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
This
is probably the worst thing anyone can do. Forcing them to stop and purging their
feminine side could have disastrous consequences. Most likely he would binge later
on as the cross-dressing urge would be even stronger. Besides the pressure will
still be there and could lead to violent break outs or emotional distress. There
is no “cure” for cross-dressing, and most cross-dressers do not want one!
Because
of possible consequences to families, jobs, and friends, many cross-dressers live
shrouded in secrecy. Burdened by fear and guilt, some cross-dressers deny their
feminine side and dispose of their clothing. Usually they are frustrated by this
elimination of a significant part of their personalities, and eventually return
to feminine self-expression. Some seek therapy, but as many therapists are not knowledgeable
about crossgender issues, they sometimes find themselves educating the therapist
rather than getting the help they seek. Nor are psychiatric drugs of benefit.
http://www.tri-ess.org/cd01.html
The
chief adjustment problem cross-dressers face is societal attitudes. While these have been changing since cross-dressers
appeared on the Donahue Show in 1987, acceptance is far from complete. Because of possible consequences to families,
jobs and friends, many cross-dressers live shrouded in secrecy. Some cross-dressers deny their feminine side and
dispose of their clothing, only to return to cross-dressing later, frustrated by
the amputation of so significant a part of their personality. Some seek therapy, but as many therapists are
not knowledgeable about crossgender issues, cross dressers sometimes find themselves
educating the therapist rather than getting the help they seek. Nor are psychiatric drugs of benefit. There is
no “cure” for cross-dressing, and most cross-dressers do not want one!
There are several theories
but they are all inconclusive. There are
no scientifically substantiated genetic or organic causes for transvestism. The latest research suggests that it is a psychological
condition.
Transvestites have a need
to wear clothing normally worn by women, and to look like women. Transsexuals want to ‘be’ women. Transvestites may use padding, silicone, and makeup
to look like women but never alter their physical appearance. Transsexuals may take hormones to reshape their
bodies, grow real breasts, and some may opt to have sex reassignment surgery. According to Vernon Coleman’s survey of 1,016
cross-dressers, most men (77%) do not have an interest in changing sex. They are perfectly comfortable being males.
While
the vast majority of cross-dressers are ordinary heterosexual men with an additional
feminine dimension, they are stereotyped by society based on a highly visible minority
who cross-dress for entirely different reasons.
The
widely accepted theory that transvestites are homosexual is absurdly persistent
and it is one of the reasons why so many cross-dressers are secretive about what
they do. The vast majority of transvestites are staunchly heterosexual. Eight out
of ten men who cross-dress have had only heterosexual experiences. The incidence
of homosexuality is much the same among transvestites as it is among the rest of
the male population.
The
Marjory of people believes that transvestites are men that have not gone through
with the surgery to become female. Most men who cross-dress want to remain male;
they have no interest in or enthusiasm for changing sex. Over 77% of cross-dressers
have no interest in changing sex.
A
person's sexual preference or sexuality is independent of their mental gender identity.
Human sexual diversity exists amongst Cross-dressers in the same basic proportions
as it does in the general community. In fact, as Cross-dressers are part of the
general community, your "average" Cross-dresser is likely to be heterosexual,
to have married and have children.
Most
Cross-dressers discover their need to cross-dress during childhood. They have no
idea why they feel the way they do, yet quickly find that the expression of this
part of their nature results in reprimand and alienation from parents, family and
friends - the people they love and value the most. This can result in the development
of unreasonable feelings of unhealthy personal shame.
So
most, Cross-dressers become secretive about their Cross-dressing and, doing their
best to deny and suppress this essential part of their being, grow fulfilling themselves
as human being in all the other ways they can. However, being a Cross-dresser does
not "go away" any more than the essential self-can ever go away. Sustained
denial of the expression of this essential self can result in severe emotional disturbance.
Shame,
fear and loneliness find expression in thought with such questions as - "Would
my best friends, workmates, family, father / mother, wife / partner and my children
still want me and love me if they knew this part of me or would they reject me with
scorn or fear?".
Many
Cross--dressers ultimately find it impossible and intolerable to exist like this.
They feel compelled to learn about themselves and to "open up" to the
significant others in their lives. Rejection may occur; most often Cross-dressers
are surprised at the level of acceptance they receive, which so often reflects the
level of their own self-acceptance. They liberate themselves to enjoy the exhilaration
of the expression of this essential part of their being through Cross-dressing.
On
a much more positive note, most Cross Dressers are more loving, sympathetic, and
compassionate. They are gentle, caring and nurturing people. They are very sensitive
and have a strong desire to share their feelings and respond to the needs of others.
Be
open-minded. Be prepared to learn some sensible realities about cross-dressing.
Above
all, know and remind yourself that being a Cross-dresser will not change the child,
the partner, parent or friend you know and maybe love, into someone different. After
all the only real difference is that, you know! Continue to see the individual person
and allow yourself the gifts of an open heart and open mind!
Again,
the answer is a resounding NO. In fact, the NO cannot be made sufficiently emphatic.
Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) or Sex Change Surgery" as it is sometimes called,
is quite another thing. This is a sexual thing at the very core. Diagnostically,
the person from the very earliest ages, many even before the onset of puberty, is
aware of a feeling most commonly said to be "trapped in the wrong body"
in a sexual identity dysphoric condition. Such people are diagnosed as "Transsexuals"
for their fundamental feeling set has equally deep roots, which are quite apart
from clothing and are in essence directed to their anatomical structures and many
times to the sexual anatomy of those to whom they are attracted sexually. This condition
is recognized as a medical condition which is commonly treated by long-term psychotherapy,
long-term hormonal therapy and finally by surgical alteration of the person's external
genitalia. This condition is found in both those born female and those born male.
The predominance is among males. A terribly distressing situation has arisen in
conjunction with the proliferation in recent years of the so-called "Gender
Clinics" (a terribly misnomer, as it were) and the relative ease with which
many individuals have been admitted to the surgical suites. This has led to a phenomenon
in which borderline individuals have sought to bolster their own decision to assume
the identity and goals of the true transsexual by "recruiting" and otherwise
influencing other insecure, confused, and often gullible individuals to set forth
on the same course of action. This has been encouraged it seems, by some individuals
in the "Gender Clinic" business for obvious reasons. SRS is not inexpensive.....
Answer:
About 10% of normal, healthy, heterosexual males say they enjoy the feel of wearing
women's clothes. For the most part, they lead normal, productive lives and keep
their cross-dressing limited and private. Psychologists do not even regard cross-dressing
as a problem - unless YOU consider it a problem.
You
just have one little fetish imprinted upon your brain. Your brain is hard-wired
to release neurotransmitters (dopamine, oxytocin and a host other neurotransmitters)
when you feminize yourself. These neurotransmitters produce sensations of well-being,
pleasure, sexual gratification and self-identity. It is as if your cross-dressing
has fooled your brain into thinking that you have achieved contact with a female.
It responds as if you are in relationship with a female. You get sexual gratification,
stimulation, etc. and your hormones are on high. Your penis is enlarged. You may
masturbate, etc.. Even worse, the neurotransmitters affect the reward centers of
the brain - instant gratification. It mimics the addiction response. You cannot
stop your brain from releasing neurotransmitters. You feel as if you cannot stop
cross-dressing.
There
are some problems with this. Many men find they cannot accept that their brain is
wrong. They want to believe that they really did contact a female - they imagine
a female side within. Strange as it may sound, they believe their masculine side
has been sexual gratified by their feminine side. This leads them to create a female
alter ego, and give "her" a feminine name. They nurture their "feminine
side" and even consider surgery to enhance their female alter ego.
Women
generally do not support this fetish - at all. They do not want their man to use
objects as a substitute for human intimacy. They need to be the only focus of their
man's intimacy. They need a man to hold them and love them. They need a man who
will protect them and make them feel secure. They need to love a man they can respect
and honor.
Most
cross-dressers are heterosexuals, they are happy being men, and they consider their
fetish to be a problem. It makes them feel guilt and shame, and so they limit their
cross-dressing and keep it private, very private. That's it. It works. Determine
that you are best living as a man. Limit your cross-dressing and live within your
limits. I know, you brain wants more and more neurotransmitters and is using cross-dressing
as the tool to release more of them. Therefore, you feel a need to push the envelope
and go further and further with your cross-dressing. Do not do it. Live with your
limits.
When
you talk to your girlfriend just let her know that you do have a problem with one
little fetish, but you are keeping it under control. Just say that you love and
admire everything about women, maybe too much. If she asks if you cross-dress, just
admit it as an indulgence that you battle. Most women will admire that you acknowledge
a weakness and you are working on it.
http://crossdressersociety.com/crossdressing-faq
Cross-dressing often times
slows down as one grows into their twenties. Diminishing to partial dressing or
stopping completely in what is called Purging. New loves and relationships make
dressing quickly fade into the background and stop completely making the CD even
think they are cured.
According to Oakland's Code of Ordinances, your style is illegal. Immoral Dress Code 9.08.080 has been in place
since 1879: “It is unlawful for any person in the city to appear in any public place
nude or in the attire of a person of the opposite sex, or in any indecent or lewd
attire.”
At wiki answers web site
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Is_crossdressing_illegal Is cross-dressing in the
UK illegal was posted. The answer was no.
It is illegal to wear a costume or disguise to elude legal pursuit by police or
to hide your identity as to avoid legal prosecution. It may be illegal to use the
bathroom of the opposite sex (even if you are dressed) and even if it is not specifically
illegal.
Most of the Christian religions
believe cross-dressing is a sin. Almost every cross dresser that is also a Christian
knows in their heart that God made them the way they are. Yet when actions run contrary
to beliefs, there is internal conflict, which manifests as guilt or shame. So a
cross dresser that has been told that God is against cross-dressing because it says
so in the Bible gets confused. Those who say this do not realize that the Bible
actually says nothing about cross-dressing except in one passage of scripture in
Deuteronomy.
If you would like to explore
a more positive interruption of the Christian beliefs go to http://ladiesknightout.com/CrossDressing_And_The_Bible.htm. This site looks at the
Bible from an objective analysis and the detail supplied here is based upon a great
deal of research from some of the top Biblical scholars and Biblical translations
that exist.
A Transsexual, Transgendered,
Cross-dressers Support, Site Author Laura Amato is a wonderful wed site that provides
a wealth of information. On FAQ posted at
that site is listed below.
It has been with you all
of your life. Sometimes in the foreground, often times in the background. It has
really influenced your life but you never realized it. Then suddenly one day you
receive a startling revelation. You still like the clothing of the opposite sex.
You are a Cross-dressing. You thought it was getting better but now it is getting
worse as you get older.
You let your mind drift
back to your childhood and you realize that this has always been with you, though
not as strong. Before you would put it in the back of your mind. Besides telling,
anyone back then would have meant certain ridicule and ostracism. Therefore, you
ignored it and went on with your life, pretending everything was fine. You have
burned your stash of female clothing a dozen times.
Now it has exploded and
overwhelmed you. Where did all this come from? Why now? I cannot think about this
now. I have a wife and kids. I have responsibilities. Yet an eerie calm comes over
you as the pieces of your life start to form a complete picture for the first time.
You ask yourself, what do I do about this? What are my options?
Do not panic. The good news
is you are not sick and you are not nuts. You merely have a desire for feminine
expression that has been with you since childhood. As long as this can be expressed
to even some small degree, you will be just fine. The problem is how? After all,
you live with someone now.
The key of course is control.
How much control do you have over this? If you are depressed, or have high anxiety,
or compulsive behavior a simple visit to the Psychiatrist can fix you up with the
proper medication that will at least let the control be yours. Realize though that
this will not totally end your cross-dressing. While you are there, you might ask
him about referral to a gender counselor to help you find practical ways to express
yourself. Normally if any therapy even is required, the time you would need it would
be short. Especially if you are needs do not go much beyond cross-dressing.
Read all you can about cross-dressing
on the Internet. Check out the Web Pages of people like yourself. You are not alone.
Ask questions in transgendered Forums and visit some transgendered Chat rooms as
well. Larger cities have Cross-dressing Clubs where you can express your self.
Be
open-minded. Be prepared to learn some sensible realities about cross-dressing.
Above
all, know and remind yourself that being a Cross-dressing will not change the child,
the partner, parent or friend you know and maybe love, into someone different. After
all the only real difference is that, you know!
Continue
to see the individual person concerned and allow yourself the gifts of an open heart
and open mind!
Answer:
When you decide to go out, dress accordingly not to draw attention to yourself.
Dress for the occasion. For example: In the middle of the day REAL girls do not
go to the shopping centre dressed in 5 inch heels, slit skirts cut up to the top
of the thighs, makeup that looks like they are applying for a job with a circus,
or with hairy arms.
Some
good advice is to go out in male mode and take notice of what the women around you
are wearing. Take a mental note of combinations of handbags, shoes and clothes they
are wearing. What they wear with their figures, how they dress for their body shape,
does it work or not? Look at their hairstyles: cut, color, and accessories.
This
is a rewarding exercise, as you will pick up ideas from the "experts",
the real women, who you are trying to emulate. The aim is to blend in with the women
of your age group.
Answer:
The law in NSW is to use the bathroom of whichever gender you are presenting. Use
the Women's bathroom if you are dressed as a woman; do what you have to do, e.g.,
if your clothing needs adjusting or makeup needs fixing, do this as quickly as possible
and do not create a disturbance.
WARNING:
If a cross dresser uses the male toilet whilst fully dressed as a female, he can
be detained and/or arrested by police for being a public nuisance or soliciting
other males.
You
will find that most women will tolerate you as long as you do not abuse the privilege.
If you do extend your time in the bathroom, you may risk having to answer to police
or security, if an incident is reported. Use commonsense and treat the real girls
with respect when you are in this situation.
Answer:
First of all keep as calm as you can. Park your vehicle at the side of the road
as directed. The Police are required to identify themselves as members of the Police
and to advise you why you have been detained e.g. RBT, license check, rego check
or driving offence.
This
can be very daunting for a cross dressing driver as their license picture is not
going to match how they are presenting. So what should they do?
Try
to bluff it out and pretend that you are really a woman?
Get
smart and demand their rights as a transgender person?
Plead
insanity?
Start
crying?
Of
course, none of these responses is advised. The consequences of behaving like this
can result in the person being treated as a "hostile suspect", which makes
it more stressful and difficult for everyone involved.
So
what should you do?
Answer
any questions asked.
Be
truthful about your gender.
Do
not try to be smart.
Produce
your license as directed.
If
you are pleasant and respectful, you can expect the Police Officer to be the same.
If
you have broken the law, expect to be treated in the manner that is dictated by
the laws of Australia, regardless of how you are dressed.
It
is extremely unlikely that you will end up on the front page of the Daily Telegraph!
Answer:
Clubs these days will ask you for some form of ID when signing in or entering the
premises. This is regardless of whether you are male or female. The main reason
for this is so the club can ascertain whether the person signing in is outside the
circle of licensed regulation.
If
you are asked to present your license at the point of entry, do as requested. The
reason a license is asked for, is that your license has your home address on it.
Whilst
attending a club, you are obliged to follow all the rules and regulations as set
out by that club. Some clubs may challenge your right of entry due to an anticipation
of their members not being accepting of your presence in the club, or that you may
be a bit "over the top" or that your presence may create unwanted attention
from other patrons. If this does occur, rather than push the point, accept the decision
graciously and make a dignified exit.
Always
remember that when you are out and about it that you should not try to confront
people with your gender presentation, especially in "normal" social arenas.
How
can I remain safe going out at night? For example, going to a ball, nightclub or
restaurant dressed as a woman.
Answer:
Try
to organize to go out with other people, so that you are not on your own.
Try
to travel directly to and from the venue, either in your own car or in a taxi.
Avoid
known "hot spots". Avoid places or situations that could put you in a
compromising position.
Try
not to dress in a sexually suggestive or inappropriate manner.
Do
not drink to excess and avoid other drugs. By staying alert and having a clear mind,
your judgment should help you to stay safe.
Take
your mobile phone with you.
Simply
be careful and be streetwise.
Answer:
This can happen very occasionally, but luckily, not very often. Remember that every
time you go out, it is unlikely that too many people will notice you. Most people
are going about their business; paying bills, remembering shopping lists, going
to appointments etc. Most of them are too involved with themselves to notice you.
You may get the occasional knowing stare, but rarely more than that.
Sometimes
another person will approach you whilst you are cross-dressed. Most people, who
muster up the courage to approach, are simply curious. Just act as though you were
in male mode and were approached by someone. Be pleasant and talk as naturally as
you can. They are probably just as nervous as you are, they would not know what
your reaction could be.
If,
however, you are approached in an aggressive manner, this calls for a slightly different
response. do not react with aggression, this only inflames the situation. Smile;
shrug it off, walk away from the scene. Move away from the person and towards other
people. You should find that this will defuse the situation and the aggressor (not
willing to appear foolish or threatening in public) will move on.
Answer:
If you want to attend a service dressed, the best answer is to contact your church
first and ask how they would feel. If you would like it to be at another church,
contact the Head Office of the denomination that you are interested in and enquire
whether they have services that would cater for you. There are a number of church
groups that do not discriminate.
If
you have been invited to attend for a wedding, christening, funeral or other occasion,
the first step is to ask those that have invited you how they would like you to
come. They will tell you what the "dress code" is. This will still need
to be cleared with the church as well.
Am
I allowed to cross dress whilst on a domestic flight?
Answer:
Short answer - Yes. There should not be any problems as long as you obey the rules
and regulations as set out by the Airport and airline. With the current terrorism
scares and potential threats you may arouse a little attention, but if you remain
calm and answer any questions truthfully and follow directions, then you should
be fine.
The
most hassle you will probably have will be in going through the security checks.
Jewellery, shoes, hair ornaments have been known to set off the metal detectors.
Some items such as nail scissors etc. cannot be taken on in hand luggage, so it
is easier to put your cosmetics case in your other luggage.
For
a short flight, it is probably easier to go in male mode, but the final decision
is up to you.
Answer:
Similar to the previous question, but, you now need to add the rules of Australian
Customs and Immigration as well. Your passport and visa will not match how you are
presenting and the Department will not issue you with a "female" version
of your papers. This will make it uncomfortable to be dressed on the plane and to
get through Customs at the other end.
As
for being cross-dressed in overseas countries: You should observe the cultural customs
and standards of that particular country. Does your research before you leave Australia?
Whilst
on the subject of cultures, there are areas in Australia, even in certain suburbs
of Sydney, where a man dressed as a woman will cause offense. Use your common sense.
Here
are a few examples:
New
Zealand: Has similar attitudes to Australia, especially in the larger cities.
England:
Same as above
The
islands of Fiji, Tahiti and Samoa: Have as part of their culture "an understanding
of cross dressing" but how this translates to visitors is unknown.
Malaysia
and Indonesia: These countries do have an element of cross-dressing in their countries,
as evidenced by entertainment in Bali. However, due to the political unrest in these
countries and the fact that Muslim culture is very strong against such expression,
it is advised not to go out in public cross-dressed.
China
and Japan: Are definitely "NO GO" zones due to cultural backgrounds. However,
there are areas of Tokyo that are CD-friendly.
The
USA (submitted by an American cross-dresser): "cross-dressers should not have
too much difficulty in most areas of the US. However, there definitely are areas
to avoid.
Most
accepting are larger cities (over 100,000). The following should not pose any problems:
Shopping centers such as large and small shopping malls, Small strip malls, large
discount stores such as Kmart and Wal-Mart, most public places such as zoos, museums,
restraints, etc.
Areas
to avoid are certain bars in almost every city, high crime areas, alone at night
in unknown areas would not be a good idea. Do not go anywhere alone cross-dressed
at night without a cell phone (purchased everywhere) dial 911 in an uncomfortable
situation.
For
the most part the authorities will leave you alone. Although, they will drive slowly
past you and take a good look. They probably will not confront you unless you are
doing something more suspicious or are in an unsafe area.
Most
police officers have seen this before and know what is going on. However, some young,
enthusiastic male cops (the same type that would give their own Grandmother a ticket)
that have not been exposed to cross-dressing will probably are interested. However,
there are no fashion police over here. Although they may question you, there is
not much they can do legally to detain you unless you cause a problem. It may be
best to swallow your pride and just answer the questions. He probably is just ensuring
your safety.
One
observation: Female police officers seem to be less likely to confront you. Perhaps
it is because they understand cross-dressing, as they do it daily!"
http://www.geocities.ws/karenspecial/faq001.html
Because
cross-dressing is still somewhat socially unacceptable, most cross-dressers experience
extreme loneliness and depression. Cross-dressing generally starts during an early
age, usually between 6 and 13. With no information on the subject the young crossdresser
often feels that he is the only person with the desire to cross-dress. This often
causes much inner turmoil within the young crossdresser and has often caused many
to turn to suicide.
Many
cross-dressers first find out about others through magazines in adult bookstores.
Since most of the ads in these magazines are placed by people seeking sex, some
cross-dressers have experimented with homosexuality in an attempt to meet others
like themselves. Cross-dressers who have joined organizations like The Society for
the Second Self (Tri-Ess) find that there is no need for the false sexual relation
in order to meet others like themselves. Tri-Ess chapters are totally non-sexual
in nature. They are in fact social and support groups that attempt to bring cross-dressers
together to meet, have fun, and talk about their cross-dressing needs and desires.
Many wives can be found attending these groups also.
Other
problems faced by the crossdresser stem from a society that is hostile and prejudicial
toward them. Due to the social prejudice of others, most cross-dressers find it
necessary to keep their cross-dressing desires a secret for fear of losing their
jobs, their apartments, their families, and social standings.
While
there is an old saying “The other man’s grass is always greener,” cross-dressers
have in fact found that the grass while perhaps a different shade of green, is just
as green on both sides of the fence. Rather than choose sides, the crossdresser
has found that he likes both shades of green equally. The crossdresser has in fact
grown beyond the point of being an ordinary male and has become a total person.
Cross-dressing
is a subject that has been universally misunderstood. While producing the first
documentary on heterosexual cross-dressing called All Dressed up and No Place to
Go, Roberts, founder of Renaissance, a Delaware Valley cross-dressing support group,
observed a host of misconceptions rampant in most people's thinking.
By Ms Courtney of FemPhone
He
is terrified that he will be found out. He
does not know how his significant others will react. Will he be accepted or rejected? What will his family and friends think of him? Will this cause a divorce? There can be tremendous
anxiety, guilt, and shame associated with cross-dressing. The cross-dresser may try to “purge” or quit cross-dressing,
but may often fail and begin dressing again. They may feel shame, not because it
is "bad", but because of how society reacts to the cross-dresser.
The
first thing you should do is talk with your partner in a nonjudgmental tone. It is likely that you will have very strong feelings. You may feel tricked, betrayed, angry, shocked,
or depressed. Do not let these emotions prevent
you from communicating with your partner about how this will affect your relationship. If you need help, go to a counselor, but one who
has experience with transvestism.
There
are many issues that will need to be addressed related to: identity, trust, and sexuality. You, as the woman, may have a whole plethora of
emotions that need to be addressed as you define the above three areas of your life. Your partner may also have issues related to fear,
guilt, shame or perhaps depression that need to be addressed. Just understand that the last thing he needs is
to be belittled or ridiculed. It is best to address these issues with an open mind
and keep the communication lines open.
The
following are the Top Eleven
More
than likely not. As Dr. William Stayton, Head of the University of Pennsylvania's
Department of Human Sexuality and himself a therapist for cross-dressers reported,
"People associate cross dressing with effeminacy and being gay and the fact
is most of them are not gay. They are very definitely heterosexual."
In
fact, one of the most difficult areas for cross dressers was how to deal with the
women with whom they wanted to be involved.
The
truth is that rather than shying away from women, most cross dressers are as married
or looking for a relationship as any cross section of men in America.
"There
is even some advantage to being a heterosexual cross dresser," says Dr. Stayton.
"When dressed they often become more sensitive and understanding to the women
in their lives. Their wives tend to find them delightful and often it can become
a real enhancement to marital relations."
However,
that "enhancement" can only come if the woman feels comfortable with her
husband's occasional dressing. Many don't.
As
Florida lawyer Jeff/Jean reports, "What would happen was that as soon as women
found out about "Jean" the relationship would end, so why did I have to
keep banging myself in the head. I was married to a woman that did not approve and
it was painful. Now I tell the women and let them even see "Jean." If
we're going to be involved then they'll have to accept all of me just like I have
to accept all of them."
What
is it like to love a man who is wearing a dress? Pam, the wife of a Bank V.P cross
dresser recounts, "I did feel funny at first. I love my husband as a man but
when I saw him in a dress as 'Barbara' I thought how could I love him? The answer
was I did not have to love him the same way. With 'Barbara', we are friends as I
would be with any girlfriend. When he's dressed as a man, I feel free to love him
as a man."
Most
cross dressers reveal that relieving stress and relaxation were the feelings they
most associated with their cross-dressing. However many revealed that while teenagers
there was a high degree of sexual excitement related to cross dressing mostly relieved
through masturbation.
As
hormones calmed down and they reached adulthood the sexual element declined and
the feelings the cross dressing elicited were very different.
"What
you'll find," Dr. Stayton reported, "is that very early on they associate
these clothes with relaxation and stress relief. They often use it to feel calmer.
There is an erotic element to the cross-dressing. Many will cross dress or fantasize
about being CD to enhance sexual enjoyment, but it's not necessary."
In
fact, most may only dress once a month or once every six months. Many men do not
ever even reach the point of fully dressing but feel the same relaxed feeling by
just wearing women's undies under their suits.
"You
can't imagine how many politicians can't give a speech in Congress without wearing
women's panties," Dr. Stayton commented, adding he has first hand knowledge
since many are his patients.
No
more than most. However, cross dressers did report their sex lives were enhanced
by cross-dressing to some degree.
"Dale"
recounted that "Although many CDs will deny it, there is a degree of extra
arousal that comes with being cross dressed when making love but many women are
not comfortable with that and we men have to be sensitive to that and accept it."
In
fact, many cross dressers are most comfortable dressing their " femme"
selves as they would dress their male selves. Therefore, most conventions of cross
dressers find a roomful of men in dressed-for-success women's suits, low heels,
tasteful makeup and coiffed hair...much more Margaret Thatcher than RuPaul.
"We
really find that cross dressing starts very young," reports Dr. Stayton. "Many
remember that as preschoolers they got a certain feeling with Mom's clothing. It
is very rarely something that develops in adulthood.
The
current conventional wisdom seems to be that cross-dressing is a result of both
Nature and Nurture. "I certainly think there's a genetic influence just as
for all of us there are things that happen that program us as to how we'll be sexual,
whether we'll like redheads or thin women. We all have preferences, but the truth
is there's no common thread and we really don't know why it happens," reports
Dr. Stayton.
In
reality cross dressers exhibit slight personality alterations in their "femme"
role, but in general, their personalities only change to the extent that many people's
do when assuming different roles in life, i.e. CEO, husband, father.
One
wife reports her husband likes to dance as his "femme" self where he would
not feel that free as a man. Other wives recount how their husbands will shop with
them when otherwise they would never have the patience.
"Truth
is you can't change it," Dr. Stayton concludes. Most professionals now try
to counsel the cross dresser to deal with his cross-dressing rather than eradicate
it. "When someone comes to me and feels it's sick behavior, then to me helping
them to be healthy is to help them accept it and to be able to appropriately accept
their own desire to cross dress."
Gender
Identity: Feminine identification only with acting out sexual fantasies.
Gender
Role: Normal Male. Cross-dressing intermittent and private.
Eroticism:
Genital-heightened arousal when cross-dressed.
Biological
Feminization: No desire.
Conflicts:
Guilt over normalcy, spousal disapproval.
Desire
for Re-assignment: Not considered.
Treatment:
Provide information and reassurance. Couples therapy. If impulses are ego-alien
use behaviour modification, setting limits on cross-dressing sufficient to control
guilt but enough to allow emotional relief.
Gender
Identity: Appeal for Femininity may spill over into non-sexual life.
Gender
Role: Cross-dressing more pressured, fetishistic and exhibitionistic. Intermittent
relapse of intense need to act on feminine impulses related to stress alternating
with reduced desire.
Eroticism:
Genital-some breast.
Biological
Feminization: If impulses ego-alien may use spironolactone to reduce libido.
Conflicts:
Guilt and sexual performance anxiety, threatened masculinity fear of aging.
Desire
for Re-assignment: Fleeting under stress.
Treatment: Insight-oriented psychotherapy to identify and modify sources of stress. Negotiate compromise in transvestitic behaviour such as dressing under male clothing.
Treatment: Insight-oriented psychotherapy to identify and modify sources of stress. Negotiate compromise in transvestitic behaviour such as dressing under male clothing.
Gender
Identity: Ambivalent gender identity. Value male sex organs but feel feminine. "She-Male"
Gender
Role: Dresses as much as possible depending on life circumstances. Dressing not
necessarily sexual. Impulses often intensify with age and may crystalize into a
transsexual picture.
Eroticism:
Genital and breast.
Biological
Feminization: Spironolactone for demasculinization + gynecomastia. Some may need
hormones for emotional balance.
Conflicts:
Confusion and personality disorganization, dual personality with male and female
names and disassociated personality components.
Desire
for Re-assignment: May consider late if very inadequate as males, dependent on commitments.
Treatment:
Integrative psychotherapy to stabilize androgeny. Support for re-assignment if appropriate.
Gender
Identity: Feel female but able to supress until age 30-50. Increasing dichotomy
with age.
Gender Role: Try macho lifestyle to compensate. Increasing depression and anxiety over time. Never comfortable as males.
Gender Role: Try macho lifestyle to compensate. Increasing depression and anxiety over time. Never comfortable as males.
Eroticism:
Genital if fantasizing self as female. Low libido.
Biological
feminization: Requested late or intermittent.
Conflicts:
Guilt, loss + fear of passing. Fear of rejection. Confused sexual orientation. Desire
for
Re-assignment:
Re-assignment hoped for, often attained.
Treatment:
Supportive psychotherapy for symptomatic relief, family therapy, education group
for stabilization of female identity.
Gender
Identity: Total gender inversion. Never able to supress femininity. Feminine boys.
Gender
Role: Dressing insufficient relief. Cross-live early.
Eroticism:
Often asexual.
Biological
Feminization: Urgent request. Late teens, early 20's.
Conflicts:
Stigma of re-assignment. Family and cultural attitudes.
Desire
for Re-assignment: Urgently requested. Self-mutilate if too long frustrated.
Treatment:
Education support and family therapy. Assisting process of re-assignment.
Fri,
01/12/2007 - 00:41 — Nancy
Dr
Benjamin's Scale references Dr. Alfred Kinsey's sexual orientation scale. A summary
of that scale is below. It should be noted that the relationship between gender
identity (Benjamin's scale) and sexual orientation (Kinsey's scale) is probably
a result of the researchers' biases. At one time, you could not transition if you
were not completely "homosexual" because obviously a "real"
female is completely heterosexual. Many transsexuals discovered this bias, so they
lied in order to get surgery. Today it is fortunate that most gender clinics accept
that sexual orientation and gender identity are distinct.
The
Harry Benjamin Institute for Gender Identity Disorders has not updated their Standards
of Care to keep up with the Diagnostic Standards Manual (DSM-IV). It is generally
necessary to have letters from a psychiatrist and a psychologist to obtain gender
reassignment surgery (in the USA). At least one of these letters must contain an
appropriate diagnostic code from that Manual.
Please
note that this is Dr. Harry Benjamin's scale. I do not agree with some of the elements of his assessments.
I also find it very strange that he can specifically say that psychotherapy is useless
then turn around and require it under the Standards of Care.
It
is my personal observation that it is not uncommon for someone to move up or down
the scale (up being more common), depending on their circumstances. There is even
a "joke" in the TG community: "What's the difference between a coss-dresser
and a transsexual? -- About five years."
Gender
Feeling:
Masculine
Dressing
Habits and Social Life:
Lives
as a man. Could get occasional kick out of dressing. Normal male life.
Sex
Object Choice and Sex Life:
Hetero,
bi, or homosexual. Dressing and — more — exchange may occur in masturbation fantasies
mainly. May enjoy TV literature only.
Kinsey
Scale:
0-6
Conversion
Operation:
Not
considered in reality.
Estrogen
Medication:
Not
interested or indicated.
Psychotherapy:
Not
wanted and unnecessary.
Remarks:
Interests
in dressing is only sporadic.
|
Gender
Feeling:
Masculine
Dressing
Habits and Social Life:
Lives
as a man. Dressing periodically or part of the time. Dresses underneath male clothes.
Sex
Object Choice and Sex Life:
Heterosexual.
Rarely bisexual. Masturbation with fetish. Guilt feelings. Purges and relapses.
Kinsey
Scale:
0-2
Conversion
Operation:
Rejected
Estrogen
Medication:
Rarely
interested. Occasionally useful to reduce libido.
Psychotherapy:
May
be successful (in a favorable environment.)
Remarks:
May
imitate double (masculine and feminine) personality with male and female names
|
Gender
Feeling:
Masculine
(but with less conviction.)
Dressing
Habits and Social Life:
Dresses
constantly or as often as possible. May live and be accepted as woman. May dress
underneath male clothes, if no other chance.
Sex
Object Choice and Sex Life:
Heterosexual,
except when dressed. Dressing gives sexual satisfaction with relief of gender
discomfort. May purge and relapse.
Kinsey
Scale:
0-2
Conversion
Operation:
Actually
rejected, but idea can be attractive.
Estrogen
Medication:
Attractive
as an experiment. Can be helpful emotionally.
Psychotherapy:
If
attempted is usually not successful as to cure.
Remarks:
May
assume double personality. Trend toward transsexualism.
|
Gender
Feeling:
Undecided.
Wavering between TV and TS.
Dressing
Habits and Social Life:
Dresses
as often as possible with insufficient relief of his gender discomfort. May live
as a man or woman; sometimes alternating.
Sex
Object Choice and Sex Life:
Libido
often low. Asexual or auto-erotic. Could be bisexual. Could also be married and
have children.
Kinsey
Scale:
1-4
Conversion
Operation:
Attractive
but not requested or attraction not admitted.
Estrogen
Medication:
Needed
for comfort and emotional balance.
Psychotherapy:
Only
as guidance; otherwise refused or unsuccessful.
Remarks:
Social
life dependent upon circumstances.
|
Gender
Feeling:
Feminine
(trapped in male body)
Dressing
Habits and Social Life:
Lives
and works as woman if possible. Insufficient relief from dressing.
Sex
Object Choice and Sex Life:
Libido
low. Asexual auto-erotic, or passive homosexual activity. May have been married
and have children.
Kinsey
Scale:
4-6
Conversion
Operation:
Requested
and usually indicated.
Estrogen
Medication:
Needed
as substitute for or preliminary to operation.
Psychotherapy:
Rejected.
Useless as to cure. Permissive psychological guidance.
Remarks:
Operation
hoped for and worked for. Often attained.
|
Gender
Feeling:
Feminine.
Total psycho-sexual inversion.
Dressing
Habits and Social Life:
May
live and work as a woman. Dressing gives insufficient relief. Gender discomfort
intense.
Sex
Object Choice and Sex Life:
Intensely
desires relations with normal male as female if young. May have been married and
have children, by using fantasies in intercourse.
Kinsey
Scale:
6
Conversion
Operation:
Urgently
requested and usually attained. Indicated.
Estrogen
Medication:
Required
for partial relief.
Psychotherapy:
Psychological
guidance or psychotherapy for symptomatic relief only.
Remarks:
Despises
his male sex organs. Danger of suicide or self-mutilation, if too long frustrated.
|
Reposted
from one of the newsletters I receive. Written(?) and posted by Japhy Grant.
Dr.
Kenneth Zucker’s War on Transgenders
posted by Japhy Grant
posted by Japhy Grant
Lynn Conway is one of the trans
community’s great heroes. An inventor and computer chip
researcher, in the late ’60s she was fired from her job at IBM when she began to transition from a man to a woman. She decided to go “stealth” and start her life over again as Lynn. She quickly rose through the ranks and the Department of Defense began using her work on top-secret projects. Her textbooks became canonical works on computer chip research, earning her tenure as professor emeritus at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor. In 1999, researchers linked Lynn’s current work to her earlier work at IBM and she came out as transgender. Since then, her website has been the go-to place for transgenders looking for the latest news about their community.
researcher, in the late ’60s she was fired from her job at IBM when she began to transition from a man to a woman. She decided to go “stealth” and start her life over again as Lynn. She quickly rose through the ranks and the Department of Defense began using her work on top-secret projects. Her textbooks became canonical works on computer chip research, earning her tenure as professor emeritus at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor. In 1999, researchers linked Lynn’s current work to her earlier work at IBM and she came out as transgender. Since then, her website has been the go-to place for transgenders looking for the latest news about their community.
On
Jan. 30th, she received a letter from Peter M. Jacobson, a lawyer for Dr. Kenneth
Zucker, who is leading the revisions to the DSM-V, the standard text used by clinicians
and psychologists to determine mental disorders. Zucker is accusing her of using
libelous language in one of her web posts. The only problem? There is nothing libelous
on the site.
Why is Dr. Kenneth Zucker trying to silence Lynn? In addition, more
importantly, why is he determined to make sure the psychiatric code book keeps saying that gender identity is a mental disease?
“[Zucker] was last year appointed to the DSM-V working group to help craft its sections on gender identity.”
Why is Dr. Kenneth Zucker trying to silence Lynn? In addition, more
importantly, why is he determined to make sure the psychiatric code book keeps saying that gender identity is a mental disease?
“[Zucker] was last year appointed to the DSM-V working group to help craft its sections on gender identity.”
The
head of the child and adolescent gender identity clinic at Toronto’s Centre for
Addiction and Mental Health, Dr. Kenneth Zucker, has made a career promising the
parents of intersexed and transgender children that he can make them “normal”. His
method, called reparative therapy, in which children are pushed into assigned gender
roles and
discouraged from behaving or dressing in a way that is counter to their ‘assigned’ sex, was once standard practice, but in recent years, has been increasingly scrutinized. A 2003 report in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry called his techniques “something disturbingly close to reparative therapy for homosexuals,” and author Phyllis Burke has questioned the idea that transgendered children should be treated as mentally ill, saying, “The diagnosis of GID in children, as supported by Zucker and [his colleague J. Michael Bailey] Bradley, is simply child abuse.”
discouraged from behaving or dressing in a way that is counter to their ‘assigned’ sex, was once standard practice, but in recent years, has been increasingly scrutinized. A 2003 report in the Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry called his techniques “something disturbingly close to reparative therapy for homosexuals,” and author Phyllis Burke has questioned the idea that transgendered children should be treated as mentally ill, saying, “The diagnosis of GID in children, as supported by Zucker and [his colleague J. Michael Bailey] Bradley, is simply child abuse.”
And
yet Zucker is not some fringe lunatic. In fact, he was last year appointed to the
DSM-V working group to help craft its sections on gender identity, where he intends
to use his position to further the idea that trans children can be shoehorned into
gender identities. The APA, responding to criticisms by LGBT activists, point out
that Zucker does not advocate reparative therapy for teens and adults, not for gays
and lesbians at any age, but only for the trans community. He is Public Enemy Number
One to transgenders, who maintain that Zucker’s views that trans people are mentally
ill are not just based on bad science, but harmful.
In
January, Conway posted a link to a story on the website of the Organization Intersex
International (OII), which stated that the organization had been told by an individual
that Zucker had sexually abused
a child and that it had passed along that information to authorities. Days later,
Conway received a letter from Zucker’s lawyer:
Zucker’s
lawyer told Conway that they had contacted the University of Michigan and requested
they shut down her site, but as Conway points out in her response:
“After
boldly claiming that the allegations against Zucker are located within Lynn’s news-feed
(which they are not), Jacobsen does a quick shuffle of the deck. He now says that
the presumed allegations are actually contained in another website that Lynn simply
links to – i.e. a page in the website of Organisation Intersex International
(OII).
(OII).
In
doing so, Jacobsen claims that cross-website linkage is legally equated with website-inclusion,
but Canadian case law says otherwise: (Crookes v Wikimedia).
However,
even that point is moot, because not even that secondarily linked webpage in OII’s
website makes the allegations against Zucker that Jacobsen alleges. Instead, it
simply reports the fact that such allegations had been previously received by OII
personnel from a third party and had been turned over to Canadian authorities.
As
readers struggle to follow, Jacobsen has tangled legal “logic” and as they click
on links from site to site trying to figure out what it all means, they can easily
lose focus and simply assume that Jacobsen must know what he’s talking about. This
is a well-known effect of “the big lie”: The bigger the lie, the more likely it
is to be believed.”
So,
Zucker’s threatening to sue not for anything Conway said, but because she linked
to a site that said something that was factually accurate. However, there is more
to this than a simple case of a lawyer not understanding basic case law. This week,
the International Federation for Gender Education is having its annual conference
in Washington D.C. and Conway is leading a panel today challenging Zucker’s inclusion.
The panel will
:
“Examine
the stigmatizing Gender Identity Disorder (GID) diagnosis in the Diagnostic and
Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) and the need for the elimination of
GID from the DSM-V to oppose the continued pathologization of trans youth and adults;
the sexualization of transwomen in the controversial theories set forth in the taxonomic
classification known as autogynephilia; and the exploitation,
colonization and appropriation that many cisgendered academicians have engaged in when researching and writing about transpeople’s lives.”
classification known as autogynephilia; and the exploitation,
colonization and appropriation that many cisgendered academicians have engaged in when researching and writing about transpeople’s lives.”
In
short, the lawsuit is not about the website Conway linked to (which incidentally,
has been posted on the internet for over eight months), it is about discrediting
a vocal and respected critic of his methods and his position at the DSM-V.
Conway
writes:
“And
as many news-feed readers may recall, as editor in chief of the Archives of Sexual
Behavior (ASB) Zucker previously stooped so low as to exploit his power-position
to subvert that journal into a propaganda tool to support his ASB colleagues against
widespread complaints and internet blogging by the transgender community. In the
process, Zucker was exposed as conducting his own personal vendetta against Andrea
James and Lynn Conway, two women who have been effective in exposing his reparatist
treatment of gender variant children (more).
Zucker’s
series of actions suggest that he is now motivated to suppress Lynn’s right of free
speech (and especially Lynn’s ability to publish on the internet) by any means possible,
in order to minimize his exposure as a trans-reparatist and suppress the escalating
questioning of his selection to lead the DSM revisions. ”
We
see many crazy homophobic and transphobic people here at Queerty, but rarely do
we come across someone with as much power to do harm as Dr. Kenneth Zucker. His
position at the DSM gives him huge influence on how transgendered and intersexed
children will be treated by doctors for years to come and in light of his scare
tactics, intimidation (never mind the allegations of child abuse); it is shocking
that the APA would allow someone with such dubious ethics and unsubstantiated views
to rewrite the DSM.
Less
than a generation ago, gays and lesbians were considered mentally ill and in need
of treatment to cure them of their homosexuality and while there are still doctors
treating gays and lesbians with “reparative” witch doctor therapies, the practice
is considered immoral and scientifically unsound. The trans community, however,
is still stuck in the dark ages, and Dr. Kenneth Zucker would like to keep it that
way– and he will sue anyone who tries to challenge him.
Why
is Zucker still at the DSM? Do you think the APA should remove him? How can the
wider LGBT community support Conway and other trans leaders who are struggling to
change the institutionally accepted view that they are mentally ill?
MEN
IN DRESSES
A
STUDY OF TRANSVESTISM/CROSS-DRESSING
'The
transvestite is a man who has discovered a way of being at peace with herself. Transvestism
is a gift not a curse; we should be grateful for it.' Anonymous transvestite
INTRODUCTION
This
European Medical Journal Special Monograph On Transvestism/Cross-dressing is based
on questionnaires which were completed by 414 British males during July and August
1995 and on written communications from over 600 other British males during the
same period.
There
are many myths and misconceptions about why men cross dress. This survey shows quite
clearly that most cross-dressers are neither homosexual nor aspirational transsexuals.
Cross-dressing is not an illness and most transvestites do not want to be `cured'.
Transvestism is a valuable remedy for stress.
GENERAL
CONCLUSION
A
few decades ago, men and women had the same sort of life expectancy. Today's figures
show that women now live seven years longer than men do. The life expectancy of
the average white woman is now nearly 80 years. The life expectancy of the average
white man is just above 70 years. Today men die earlier from all leading causes
of death: heart disease, cancer, accidents, violence and suicide.
There
is no sound physiological explanation for this massive difference in life expectation.
Women do not naturally live longer than men do. At the turn of the century, women
and men had an identical life expectancy. This vast difference in life expectancy
is due to something that has happened this century. Moreover, I suspect that the
explanation is social.
In
recent years, women have quite reasonably claimed the right to do nearly all of
the things that men do - and to behave in many traditionally male ways. Women now
fight fires, drive lorries, sit in the boss's chair and exhibit emotions which were
traditionally regarded as male - and which, in the past, women usually had to suppress.
Women can be as tough and as aggressive as men can without anyone thinking any the
worse of them. In addition, they can wear male clothing without anyone batting an
eyelid.
However,
while women have won the right to exhibit qualities, which used to be regarded as
`male' - without losing their feminine qualities - most men still don't feel able
to exhibit traditionally female qualities.
Although
they now have to cope with a world in which women's rights and expectations have
changed, most men still hide their emotions from one another and from themselves.
In addition, it is the burying of their emotions, which results in men suffering
so much damage from stress. At heart most men are just as romantic, compassionate
and sensitive as most women. Indeed, women tend to be much stronger and more capable
of dealing with divorce, unemployment and bereavement than men are.
Most
men dare not admit their femininity to themselves - let alone show it to others.
They bottle up their feelings and suffer from high blood pressure, heart disease
and weak immune systems. As stress becomes increasingly invasive and inescapable
so men suffer, more and more from stress related disorders.
It
is social changes, which are killing men, and filling our hospitals and old peoples
homes with octogenarian widows. While women have enlarged their role in society
(and have, as a result become healthier), men have been pushed further and further
into their destructive and damaging masculinity. Men are still taught that they
must be heroes. They must perform and succeed to win love and respect. Men who cannot
cope are weak.
The
theory that men are men, that women are women and that in addition to the obvious
physical differences there are fundamental physiological and psychological differences,
which mean that men and women see the world through entirely different eyes, and
must, in consequence, respond entirely differently to identical stimuli is a nonsense.
Largely the theory no longer applies to women. However, it still applies to men.
Society
has tried to define males and females in harsh black and white tones whereas in
reality the truth is a vast variety of shades of grey. However, society's rules
and expectations mean that individuals who do not conform to the strict man-woman
dichotomy tend to suffer agonies; feeling that they have failed themselves, their
families and society. Many suppress and repress what they regard as `odd' or `unacceptable'
feelings - with damaging psychological consequences.
Transvestism
is a healthy release of feelings, which are probably far more universal than is
generally accepted. I suspect that those who condemn cross-dressing most loudly
are themselves probably struggling to cope with feelings which they do not understand
and which they regard as unacceptable.
Cross-dressing
has been described as a `symbolic excursion across gender boundaries'. It is probably
a healthier and more natural excursion than we realize for it enables a man to show
his `softer side'. Male freedoms should include the right to express their femaleness,
in just the same way that women have fought for and won the right to express their
maleness. Anything else is sexist and unfair. Men should not be ashamed to show
their female qualities; they should not be reluctant to let their emotions show,
to ask for help and support and to combine traditional male toughness with the soft,
gentle qualities, which are hidden deep inside.
In
addition, women should do their best to encourage their men to show their femininity.
These days it is not women who need liberating but men.
Men
can let their soft, feminine nature surface in many practical ways. They can learn
to share their fears and admit to their vulnerability; they can learn to listen
to their instincts more often and they can share their feelings with friends.
However,
it is not always easy to do these things when you have spent decades doing the opposite.
Therefore,
increasing numbers of men are finding that there is a short cut. By dressing as
women they can liberate their feminine, gentle side - and (temporarily at least)
escape from their aggressive, ambitious, demanding masculine selves.
After
all, women dress as men when taking on male attributes - the woman truck driver
wears jeans and a plaid shirt and the woman executive wears a smart suit and carries
a briefcase.
I
believe that the benefits of cross-dressing are great. In my view so many transvestites
get stress relief from their cross-dressing that doctors should consider encouraging
some of their harassed male patients to try wearing women's' clothing in an attempt
to escape from their day to day worries.
Many
people still regard cross-dressing as a joke. It is something that often attracts
sneers and giggles. However, if there were more transvestites in our society there
would probably be fewer men suffering from heart disease, high blood pressure and
ulcers. In addition, that is no laughing matter.
Sadly,
many of those who have found the courage to escape from the stresses of twentieth
century life by putting on panties, bra, stockings and a dress still feel guilty
about what they do.
It
is time for the sneering to stop and the guilt to be banished. While women fighting
for liberation burnt their bras men fighting for liberation are now wearing theirs.
Many
transvestites admit that their fear of being found out neutralizes much of the stress
relieving benefit they feel from cross-dressing. As someone who has gained great
relief from stress by cross-dressing and who has been fortunate enough to receive
unqualified support from his partner, many of the letters I received while preparing
this report saddened me. It seems to me to be important that those transvestites
who feel able to do so should be open about what they do. Transvestism will become
accepted only when there is less secrecy. It is too easy for those who sneer or
look down their noses to attack transvestites because if they themselves are too
embarrassed about what they do to admit to it in public then there must be something
wrong with it. There is nothing wrong with cross-dressing but there is a great deal
wrong with society.
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